Transforming a Marriage with God’s Love - Dr. Kim Kimberling
[00:00:00] Matt Potter: God has a plan for our lives. Sometimes it's hard to trust this, especially when we don't quite know where God is directing us, or how an experience fits into His plan for our lives. It's easy to fall into uncertainty, doubt, even fear during these moments. God asks us to come to him in prayer. To turn to his word and to listen to our hearts for he shall offer us comfort and peace and wise, compassionate counsel, and God urges us to let go of the need to know all the steps on our paths or even where our paths are leading us.
[00:00:41] He invites us to trust him and to trust that he has a plan for everything because he does. God has a plan for our lives, and it is such a good plan. It's far better plan than anything we can come up with on our own. This week on Relentless Hope, Dr. Kim Kimberling, author and professional Christian counselor teaches us about trusting in God's plan for our lives and marriages.
[00:01:08] We learn about how Dr. Kim spent the first. 35 years of his life running from God's plan out of fear. But when Dr. Kim stopped running and allowed God to direct his every step, Dr. Kim's life became exciting, fun, and better than anything he could ever have imagined. And as Dr. Kim teaches us, God never allows any time to be wasted.
[00:01:33] He has a plan for everything, even when we don't understand it. Dr. Kim reminds us through his own experiences that often we don't know the meaning until later, that we won't understand God's hand in it or his plan for using an experience until we're much further along on our path. We also hear how Dr.
[00:01:55] Kim had to quickly learn how to lead after launching the technology based ministry. Awesome marriage, which rapidly grew in its first years. Dr. Kim teaches us the importance of building the right team and about pacing them. As Dr. Kim shares passion and desire need to be tempered or people will Berndt out, including the best leaders.
[00:02:18] We also learn how Dr. Kim wants to leave a legacy of helping people, realizing God's plan for marriage. We learn how Dr. Kim comes from a family with a strong marriage legacy, and how his grandparents and parents modeled healthy and happy marriages. Marriage was never about simply staying or existing together.
[00:02:39] It was about two people who had a real passion for. For it, who enjoyed each other, who wanted to share and build a life together, who also grew together and worked hard to resolve issues and who took divorce off the table. Dr. Kim teaches us that God has an incredible plans for us, including incredible plans for marriage, and he desires to be right in the middle of everything we can run from God's plan.
[00:03:09] Dr. Kim did at first, but God never quits. He never stops pursuing us, and he always has a plan for us. The only difference is whether we wanna stop running to follow the direction that God has planned for us and to be the person God wants us to be. When Dr. Kim Kimberling decided to go back to school, he found himself on academic probation and had to decide on some new life changes.
[00:03:40] Dr. Kim Kimberling: Well, this is springtime, so I made application, I got accepted in the program. But when I, with the school part, I got accepted on probation because when I was at tcu, um, I did a lot more playing than I did studying. And especially when I thought I was gonna go business with my dad, I knew I didn't have to have the best grades to do that.
[00:04:00] So I got into grad school, but I was on probation, had to prove myself, which is fine. I needed to do that. But part of that was after a semester I was off probation. And, uh, as I started, um, a couple of master's programs, So the things that I had talked and Nancy talked about that were gonna change actually did change.
[00:04:21] You know, uh, we lived on about 20% of what we'd lived on the year before for the next two years. Uh, we had friends that thought we were crazy and didn't have any idea what we were doing. Um, our lifestyle changed, but, you know, Nancy clipped all the coupons. We ate a lot of hamburgers. We, um, all the kind of things like that.
[00:04:39] And, and, you know, our kids were at that point, probably four and seven. They never missed a beat. I don't think they ever knew that anything had changed.
[00:04:51] Matt Potter: On episode one of this three-part series, we'll hear about Dr. Kim Kimberly's journey into ministry. As a Christian counselor, we hear how Kimberling learned to trust God as he continues to pursue him through all aspects of life. We learn about the creation of his company, awesome marriage from observing healthy relationships amongst his family members.
[00:05:17] Dr. Kim Kimberling: You know, I was born into Christian family. My parents were Christians, my grandparents were Christians. That was a real blessing just to, to be born into that. I was, uh, the only grandchild, the first grandchild, and the only grandchild for eight years. So those first eight years of my life were, were pretty special.
[00:05:35] I had all the people that, uh, should love me, loving me, uh, spent a lot of time with grandparents and my parents. I had an aunt that was single at that time, and so it was a really. Um, at a real formative time in my life, and I think God used that to help me really know what it it means to be loved. And certainly then it was easy to, easier for me, probably to understand his love for me.
[00:05:59] I was born in Oklahoma City and grew up there, lived in the city. Uh, my grandparents on my dad's side had a small farm and it was located not too far from Oklahoma City. And so I spent a lot of time out there. Um, I love being out there. I love being with my granddad. Um, he had a huge influence on me in my life.
[00:06:17] He, uh, had been, had worked for in a factory for most of his life, and then retired early and got this farm and he loved to farm. And so we had animals on the farm. We had pigs and uh, chickens and all those kind of things. The horses and all those kind of. Fun things. I got, uh, at eight, at eight or nine years old, I was driving a tractor.
[00:06:38] So, but the most things I remember about him was who he was and, um, how much he loved me and how he loved me unconditionally. I just, I remember screwing up doing things I shouldn't do when I was around my grandparents and when I was on the farm. But I never, what I remember most of was his unconditional love and how he taught me and how he helped me to know how to learn from my mistakes and something that I didn't realize the value of at such a young age.
[00:07:07] But as I grew, I realized how valuable that was. Some of my fondest memories are in the summer when I would spend just about as much time as I could out there. In fact, I remember one summer, uh, my parents came out one day just to visit me because I just didn't wanna come home. I just wanted to be out there and be on the farm and spend time with my granddad.
[00:07:26] And in the evenings, uh, after the sunset and we had dinner, we'd go out in their backyard and they had a couple of hammocks there. I can remember just laying in those dynamics side by side with my granddad and looking at the stars and, and him just pouring into me, telling me about life, telling me about God, helping me understand, um, just so much about, about who God was.
[00:07:47] And not only did he tell me about it, it was an incredible model. I saw the way he treated people. I saw the way people respond to him. I saw how important his faith was to him. And then he was really the reason that at a young age, I committed my life to Christ. I wanted to be like my granddad, and I knew how important Christ was in his life.
[00:08:08] And so that seemed like the right thing, the natural thing to do. So as I was growing up, I can remember at, at 11 years old thinking that, um, just being on the farm and just thinking, man, I hope this never ends. I hope everything ever changes. And, and yet it did. And, and I think the next year or so was when I had friends asking me to go with them in the summer to.
[00:08:30] The lake and the water ski and things like that. And so my time at the farm, um, was less and less, but the, the lessons I learned there, the things that were poured into me have lasted a lifetime. I was about 12 years old when I felt called to ministry. Um, I don't really know how to explain it other than it, I just felt God impressed that on me, that he had something special for me, that he had something that he wanted me to do.
[00:08:56] And so I remember talking to my parents about it. They were positive and excited and I told my pastor at that time about it and he was very encouraging. And so I can remember being kind of on this spiritual high then, and, and then I kinda let life get in the way, I guess, of middle school, high school.
[00:09:13] And, um, I wanted, I still had that in the back of my mind, but I'm not, I wasn't sure what it meant. Does that mean I was gonna be a pastor in the church? Does that mean I was gonna be a missionary? Uh, we had a relative that was a missionary in a foreign country and she would come every year and tell us about her mission trips.
[00:09:29] And obviously I honestly, I really thought it was interesting, but I thought, gosh, I don't know if I really wanna do that. Is that what God wants me to do? So I think there was some confusion there. And so, um, I was active in my church. I was active in my church youth group. I was president of my youth group, but it was kinda like I was trying to live two lives there.
[00:09:48] I was trying to live, live like the kind of secular high school life and also the Christian high school life. Uh, and that was confusing and probably a lot of the times during those years, uh, the secular high school life, one out. Uh, but always in the back of my mind was this thing of, you're called the ministry.
[00:10:09] When I went to college, went to Texas Christian University, and that's where I met my wife Nancy. She was two years younger than me. Uh, we met when she was a freshman. I was a junior. We met on a blind date. Um, actually the first date didn't go real well. She didn't think she ever wanted to go out with me again, but that was probably the first miracle that God worked because a couple weeks later she changed her mind.
[00:10:31] Uh, and I took advantage of that. And we went out and then we dated for a couple years before we got married. While Nancy and I were dating, we'd go to church, some, and, and I'd always go to church when I got back home. Uh, you know, those kind of things. It was just part of our life at home. And so, uh, but the time I graduated though, I began kind of bargaining with God.
[00:10:53] I went to college and I went to, uh, got a business degree. Uh, and I, I just began to bargain with God that, you know, okay, God, I'm gonna be the best Christian businessman, uh, that you've ever had. You know, I'm gonna be the best one. And so I was able to continue to push that, that call to ministry back. In early marriage, um, Nancy and I got married.
[00:11:13] Uh, we, Nancy was 19 when we got engaged. And uh, so we got married very young. Uh, we didn't have kids for about five years, and so that early part of marriage was the time of really, uh, settling in, learning about each other, going through some hard times and all that kind of stuff. Um, I was working with my dad, and my dad owned supermarkets in Oklahoma City.
[00:11:33] He had a great thriving business. He had five stores and, and he needed me, wanted me to come into the business. In fact, was really excited when I told him that that's what I wanted to do. And so those, those years of working with my dad were really special, uh, working side by side with him, seeing him every day.
[00:11:51] Those kind of things were special. And I, I think God showed me a lot of things during those years too, as I learned to interact with people, I think in ways that I hadn't before. I learned some things about business that I think, um, have helped me and working with men in counseling over the years. And so, um, I, it was a, it was a good time in my life, but there was this.
[00:12:10] Thing in the back of my mind, and God was just not letting go of me. I kept pushing it down. So as time went on, the supermarket business, uh, became tough. Uh, our stores were not as big and new as some of the new stores that were coming in. Uh, and then things like Walmart and there were a lot of challenges in the business.
[00:12:31] My dad was at, at a stage and, and he said, um, man, D what do you wanna do? Do you wanna continue this business? If you do, um, I want you to do that and I'll back you in that and we'll see what we can do, uh, to make it go and go thriving. But he was at a point that if I didn't want to do that, he was ready to, to sell the stores and go into something else.
[00:12:53] And so, um, it finally came to a point that I just kind of decided what was I gonna do? You know, I was passionate about what I was doing with the grocery business. I enjoyed it. But now my dad was at this stage and so what was I gonna do? So at that time I was about 35 years old. And um, it finally came to the point.
[00:13:12] I knew I had to see what God wanted me to do. Nancy kinda knew of my struggles, so she did know my struggles. I was honest with her. Um, and she was just patient with me. I think she was praying for me in this area a lot more than I knew she was. And so I said one night, I said, uh, let's get somebody to keep the kids tonight and let's go to dinner and let's talk about about this.
[00:13:33] I gotta figure this out. So we had these friends that took the kids and we went to this little, um, old no Mexican place that we loved. And I just poured my heart out and I said, you know, I, I know God's called me to do something. I have no what idea what that's like. I have no idea what it's gonna look like for us and for our future and for our family.
[00:13:54] And I said, you know, we're probably gonna, you know, if I go back to school or something, we're gonna have to live on a lot less if we sell the stores, you know, my income is gonna go drastically down. We're gonna spend the, uh, you know, have a lot less to live on. I think some of our friends will think we're crazy and all those kind of things.
[00:14:10] And she's kept looking at me and she just kept saying, I'm all in. She said, it doesn't matter about the money. It doesn't matter about what the friends do. It doesn't matter if our life child changes. I want you to do what God wants you to do. And I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you a hundred percent.
[00:14:26] And then, and then just, God gave her this wisdom. She said, you know, there's a friend of ours that was a Christian counselor. She said, you know, you really respect him. You've known him through church and things. Why not go talk to him? Why not see what he says about this? And now he looks at it. I thought it was a great idea.
[00:14:42] So, so I called him and later that week we met for lunch. And uh, I just trusted this guy a lot and, and we went through and I just kind of told him a lot of the same things. I told Nancy about my calling and not sure what to do and kind of what I'd done in business and how really in business most of the time.
[00:14:58] What I really enjoyed was talking to the employees and having, hearing about their problems and helping 'em kind of navigate through that and helping 'em be better at work and better at home. And so I, I loved doing those things and he just kinda looked at me and he said, if you ever thought about being a Christian counselor, and I hadn't, Never had crossed my mind.
[00:15:16] And so I thought then, well, yeah, that might be a good idea. So began to explore that. Uh, there was actually a place in Oklahoma City where I could start grad school. Uh, I could also do an internship there, um, and kind of on the, on the job training type stuff. Uh, and so I thought that's what I'd really like to do.
[00:15:34] Well, this is springtime, so I made application. I got accepted in the program, but when I, with the school part, I got accepted on probation because when I was at tcu, um, I did a lot more playing than I did studying. And especially when I thought I was gonna go business with my dad, I knew I didn't have to have the best grades to do that.
[00:15:54] So I got into grad school, but I was on probation, had to prove myself, which is fine. I needed to do that. The part of that was after a semester I was off probation and, uh, as I started, um, a couple of master's programs. So the things that I had talked and Nancy talked about that were gonna change, actually did change.
[00:16:14] You know, uh, we lived on about 20% of what we'd lived on the year before for the next two years. Uh, we had friends that thought we were crazy and didn't have any idea what we were doing. Um, our lifestyle changed, but, you know, anti clipped all the coupons. We ate a lot of hamburgers, we, um, all the kind of things like that.
[00:16:32] And, and, you know, our kids were at that point, probably four and seven. They never missed a beat. I don't think they ever knew that anything had changed, because I think I was finally headed in the direction that God wanted me to head in. And Nancy was a hundred percent supportive and, and we loved it and we were working together and.
[00:16:50] So she was supportive. Um, I helped her with the kids those years that I was in college or grad school. A lot of late, late, late nights studying when the family go to bed and I would, uh, stay up and study. But it was exciting and it was fun. It, we knew we were heading direction that God wanted us to head in the place where I was going to school.
[00:17:12] And then I had to do some work at a campus in California for a while. But out of that I got two master's degree, one in Christian counseling and the other in theological studies. I was just drinking in all of this stuff, just loving it. It was like undergraduate was just boring and a, and, uh, not something I got interested in, but this, doing what God wanted me to do, it was, it was exciting.
[00:17:36] I learned a lot about God's word during that time. I learned about how he. Changes life and how his word changes life and how he cares about people. And I had developed this huge passion for helping, helping, uh, helping people. So I ended up with a couple, those two master's degrees and I went on to get a doctor of ministry in Christian counseling and a PhD in Christian counseling.
[00:17:56] And I think there was a time when ne Nancy thought that I would never, ever stop going to school. I was gonna go to school forever. Um, which I probably would've liked to do, but you know, I kinda ran outta programs to go to. So, uh, started out working for that place, um, that I did the internship with. We were there seven years.
[00:18:17] And then we started Family Christian Counseling. Uh, that was 29 years ago. Um, it was me and, uh, interesting enough, the guy who had encouraged me to be a Christian counselor that we both branched off on our own together to start a new counseling center. And it was scary and it was exciting, but God continued to bring people around us that were encouraging and supportive and helped us, uh, through some financial hardships that came during that time.
[00:18:44] And so family Christian counseling started and I was excited about it. Today we have grown. We've had different counselors over the year, but today we have five counselors on staff. Besides myself. Uh, we cover just about every area that people have struggles in. Uh, we are definitely a Christian counseling center.
[00:19:01] We pray with people, we pray for them. Um, and it's a, it's a, it's a blessing to work, work there. Today I just, I'm in a counseling center a couple days a week. Which is a long way from the 40 hours a week I was counseling early on, which was probably crazy and I'm surprised I didn't Berndt out, but I didn't because I was doing what God wanted me to do.
[00:19:20] Um, then in 2010, I, um, we started off a marriage. I. And I'll tell more about that in a different podcast, but it was an exciting thing. It was a way to, uh, what I saw in counseling was how do I help people, uh, before they get to the counselor room? Are there things we can do to get things in materials in people's hands to help them have.
[00:19:41] Good marriages, uh, from the beginning. And so that was kind of our, our goal there today. Also, marriage reaches thousands of people every day. And as, as I look back, I see that God did have a plan in all of this. That, and, and really that he never lets time be wasted. The time, uh, growing up was so, so pivotal in my life.
[00:20:01] The things I learned, uh, through my granddad and about God, and then the time in my dad's business, and really how God didn't waste that time. Uh, the business principles I learned have helped me a lot, especially as we started Austin marriage in a counseling center. Uh, God gave me, uh, speaking opportunities, um, things that, that I did in, as, uh, I was working with.
[00:20:23] My dad was president of the State Retail Grocers Association and the City Association and had a lot of oppor. Continues to, to learn some skills that God has used, especially, uh, with as we've developed loss of marriage, that he used it all. So as I look back, you know, uh, sometimes I think, gosh, what if I had gone into ministry early?
[00:20:44] What if I had gone to, uh, undergraduate and did that? Well, I don't think that was, I don't think that part was God's plan, cuz that's where I met Nancy and, and she's been such a pivotal part of that. So when I think about it, would I change? Would I do it over? I don't know because, um, the way things unfolded, I learned a lot.
[00:21:03] Um, probably where we were in our marriage at that time. Probably the things that we needed to work through before I went into ministry that we needed to get right before, especially we had a marriage ministry. I did marriage counseling. I guess I'd look back and say probably I wouldn't change anything.
[00:21:19] Um, I would strive to do what God wants me to do today, try to listen to him better than I did. I try to not push things back when I know he is leading me in a direction. Uh, try to go that direction and be who he wants me to be in. And so I think, um, God has taught me a lot, um, as I've learned through my mistakes and I've learned, and I think that's where it helped me understand God so much, my granddad, because when I made mistakes and he came alongside me and he taught me and helped me how to write those mistakes.
[00:21:49] And I see God in the, in the same way. So I think what I learned out of all of this is that God has a plan for each of us. And I also know that he will pursue us if we're running. If I'm running like I was. He never quit pursuing. I guess maybe I thought he would, or maybe he'd get tired of chasing me sometime or, or something in there that, you know, that I wouldn't have to go into ministry and get sent to some foreign country I didn't wanna go to.
[00:22:14] No, he had a plan and it was such a good plan. I was just, Um, afraid to, I guess, trust him in that. And he's taught me a lot about trusting him now. So maybe some of you guys as you're listening to this are thinking, you're, you're running from him. Maybe after hearing this today, today is the day that you say, I'm gonna stop running too.
[00:22:34] And I promise you this, God is a good God and his plan for you is far better than anything that you would ever come up with on your own. Look at it this way, and this is what really helps me. God created me. He knows me better than I know myself. He doesn't, knows me better than I'll ever know myself, and that he is a good God and he has good plans for you as he did for me.
[00:23:01] So I kind of divide my life into parts A and parts B. Um, and God really is in both the years that I was growing up, the years that I was in college, the years that I spent in my dad's business, part B. And then maybe part A now where you could put the, the letters, I guess is where it is and, and God looking back was in both of those.
[00:23:24] The difference in the plan that I'm in now is that I'm a hundred percent on his team now. Every day I wake up, I'm passionate about helping people. I'm passionate about sharing God's incredible plan for marriage with people. It's become not only what I do, it's who I am, and it's who God created me to be.
[00:23:47] And God's good all the time. So I believe our mission of helping people have the marriage God created them for has not changed since day one. It's never gonna change. I think that was what we wanted to do then. Um, change what changes is the way we make things happen. I think for, for me, the thing that God's taught me for this is flexibility.
[00:24:12] You know, when I was in the business world, it was kinda like you find had some principles and you kind of stuck with those with also married. Sure, we have our foundation, we have our core beliefs, we have the things that we want to do, but man, we have to be flexible with it. There's no place in the world of technology for getting comfortable with the status quo, because it's gonna change tomorrow.
[00:24:37] Matt Potter: On episode two of this three part series, Dr. Kim Kimberling tells us how he's been a leader from an early age by holding a sit in at his school. Then he explains the leadership skills that were required to create his company awesome marriage and maintain the success of the organization.
[00:25:00] Dr. Kim Kimberling: You know, I think I've always liked to lead. I was thinking back even as a, at a young age, just if it was leading the, the guys on the n in the neighborhood to do a project or to do something like that. I mean, um, I loved it. I loved, uh, coming up with ideas and trying to get people to, to buy in into it.
[00:25:15] And so I loved, I loved leading and, but if I really think about it, probably the first leadership experience, uh, that I really had came in sixth grade. I love my grade school. I love my friends there. I love my teachers there. I love my principal. I loved everything about that school. But the cafeteria food, I started at school as a new student when I was seven and second grade, kindergarten, first grade, I'd been into different schools.
[00:25:41] My parents had moved a couple of times and I really never locked in with friends or anything in those schools. And from day one, I loved the school. I left kids there. Everything about it just seemed to click for me. So the food in the cafeteria with seven, I probably thought was okay. I don't remember thinking it was horrible, but I don't remember thinking, man, I wanna eat throw all the time.
[00:26:03] And it seemed, as I looked at it, my opinion of the food was that it went further downhill every single year. I had some leadership opportunities from my school as a sixth grader. Uh, if you guys, some of you remember Gen Junior Police, we were the ones who would, uh, be there and would help kids across, across the street, um, so that they didn't get hit, that kind of thing.
[00:26:23] And so the regular, uh, junior police had a, had a white belt, and if you were a lieutenant, you had a silver belt. But I had the gold belt for a while, which means that I was head of all of 'em. So it was a great opportunity for me. Um, I got to operate the school projector for assemblies. The, the principal and I had gotten to be really good friends, and I know that was kind of an honor for the sixth grader, one or two guys to be.
[00:26:47] The ones who got to operate the school projector and take care of it and all those kind of things. So, you know, by sixth grade I was getting outta class a lot to do special things and really enjoyed that. And again, though everything was great except the cafeteria food. So I decided in sixth grade, the whatever leader I was, it was up to me to do something about it.
[00:27:10] So I thought, well, let's do this the right way. So I organized this petition and I literally got almost every student in the school to sign it demanding better food. So I took my petition, I took my papers and I went into the school principal and I said, can we sit down and talk? And of course he said he did.
[00:27:31] He had no, I, I don't think he had any idea. Maybe he did what was going on. And I, so I talked to him about it. I gave him to him. I showed the petition. I said, we want things to change. And man, I, I can remember the, the next day thinking, oh man, I can't wait to for lunch today for the change to begin. And so I remember getting in the cafeteria line and looking at the food, and it was bad.
[00:27:53] It was the same old stuff. Nothing changed. I thought, well, they thought it was like, they thought this was this cute idea and I was commended for my efforts. Well, that was so a creative view to get this signed, blah, blah, blah. But the food was the same. So now came part B. And I arranged a sit in of sorts.
[00:28:16] Looking back, I think it was pretty amazing that we ever pulled this off in school, but I now had a following and kids in every single grade that could understand what we were doing was really even some first graders wanted to help. So we staged a sack lunch day. The plan, well, it was that everybody in the school would bring a lunch from home on the same day.
[00:28:43] Now, my school, on a typical day, probably about 10% of the kids brought their lunch from home and the rest of the people ate at the cafeteria, and this cafeteria staff counted on that. They counted on 90% of the kids being there to eat, and so they prepared that way. They didn't count on our brown bag day.
[00:29:03] The day was a huge success. Well, eventually it was a huge success first. After it happened, after everybody realized what was going on after the cafeteria cooked all this food that nobody was gonna eat. I spent a couple hours in the principal's office and he, he let me sweat. I was petrified. I had no idea what was going to happen.
[00:29:22] You know, I didn't think he could send me to jail, but I, I didn't know. I didn't know. But then we talked and then he left for a while, and then he came back and he said he was such a cool guy. This time we hear what you guys are trying to say. I promise you there will be some changes in the quality of the cafeteria.
[00:29:40] Food victory. As simple as that incident was, it taught me never to give up. I am fifth. I'm fighting for something that I believe in, and that principle has followed me on my life. Giving up is not on my radar. Organizing people, helping them come together, helping them to come together for a cause. That's what I can do, and I can do well.
[00:30:06] So awesome marriage. Let's talk about that a little bit. It was born out of a brainstorm session in 2010. At that time, I was spending a lot of time with the leaders of Life Church's Church online. I, I liked the guys. Um, it was in the early stages, but it was growing rapidly and really no one else was doing what Life Church was doing there.
[00:30:25] And what, what they kind of began to involve me. There were a lot of questions and prayer requests coming in from people who were doing church online about their marriages. They were getting questions about marriage that they really didn't know how to answer. And so I began to consult and, and spend time with them and how do we do this?
[00:30:43] There some things we can do to help these people. And so I said, you know, At some point, let's figure out, let's sit down and see what we can do. So we set together four of us, and our goal was to what? To come up with a way to help people around the world have the marriage that God designed for them.
[00:31:01] Pretty simple plan, uh, big plan, big thing. But I thought, let's start, that's what we need to do. So we were talking and, and we were talking about different ways we could do that. And at that time Facebook probably had about 500 million people, something like that, much smaller than they are now. Um, but there was a lot of negative stuff coming out in 2010 about Facebook and people were connecting with old boyfriends and girlfriends, and Facebook was gonna be the ruin nation of marriage as we know it, and all those kind of things.
[00:31:30] So the four of us sit around and we're talking, and what do we do? We decided to launch a Facebook page for marriage, and we sat there for a minute and we brainstormed and we thought, let's call it, I Want An Awesome Marriage. And that was the first name of this ministry of awesome Marriage. So the the, we set it up, we decided we would launch it in a couple of weeks.
[00:31:52] My role was to write content and we kind of decided what we wanted. We wanted to address things, needs to help people that were married, people that were marriages were struggling, people that were engaged, people that were divorced and wanted to, um, heal and, and get back and be able to get married again someday.
[00:32:10] So we developed content for all of these. And what we wanted to do and why we chose Facebook because we wanted to go where the people were. And Facebook was a place where people were, and Facebook was a little different there. It was a way that we, where we really could offer content. There weren't all the videos, there weren't things like that.
[00:32:30] And so the written content on there was a big deal in addition to pictures and things like that. And so people were, were willing to read some of that content. And so it was a perfect, really platform for us to do that. And I wrote content, I wrote a lot of content. I thank God gave me an ability there, thank goodness, uh, and he was in it and help me do that.
[00:32:51] We also wanted a way for people to ask prayer for their marriages. That was really important too. So about a month after our meeting, we officially launched and when within a week we had over 10,000 followers and the growth continued, you know, the whatever was, and 10 that awesome marriage would be a part of life's church.
[00:33:10] Those three men continued to pour into me to gimme ideas and encouragement. But it was soon God and Me, and this was new territory for me. It was like we were building this airplane and we're trying to get everything right. When the plane all of a sudden took off and the first three to four years seemed like we were trying to build a plane while it was flying in the air.
[00:33:36] So the challenge to lead was never overwhelming, I guess. But it was close at times and I had a lot to learn and really didn't have a lot of time to learn it in. So I soon knew that I couldn't do this on my own. Uh, that was one of the principles that I learned very quickly, just because I thought, oh my gosh.
[00:33:57] Uh, this became really clear one night when I asked people to give us their prayer request for their marriages. So I had done this before and, and we'd only have like a handful of requests come in. And so I'd usually do it, we'd kind of post this at six in the evening, and so like about nine o'clock I'd go in and I'd look and I'd answer the prayer request and pray for them and that kind of stuff.
[00:34:20] So that night, in 30 minutes, we had 186 request. And I can remember walking in to my wife Nancy, and going, we got 186 requests. You gotta come and help me. I don't know how we're gonna pray for all these people. Uh, But we did, and I think it was the way that God said, you know, you could do this, but you're not gonna sleep much, so you're gonna have to bring some people along to help.
[00:34:43] Well, at that point, uh, also married, we hadn't done any fundraising at all. We had no money to pay any staff or any, anybody else. It was just me and when I could get Nancy to help. And so I recruited volunteers. And I think that time really helped me understand a lot about volunteers because for the first couple years they really became the backbone of the ministry.
[00:35:07] Uh, we had leaders from Australia. There was a young woman there in Perth that just was great and just passionate. And it was cool because at the times when people in the United States were asleep, she was awake and she could help us cover things and answer prayer request. During this time, we also had, uh, some people from England.
[00:35:26] We had a wonderful lady from Chile, and, and then we had some leaders in the United States. People. That did an amazing job that I think really God brought us at that time. And they were great at interacting with people and helping people and, um, entering prayers and praying for people and with people and all those kind of things.
[00:35:45] And at that time we were creating a lot of content, but we didn't have near the resources we have now. And so we had to figure out, you know, how can we lead these people? What can we direct them to, to help them? Because at that point we were, we were building the things. We just didn't have it really. But what I learned about volunteers were that their passion and their desire needed to be tempered some, or they were gonna Berndt out.
[00:36:08] And I didn't realize that until some of my best leaders really burned out. And so I think what God taught me during that time is, is learning how to pe, how to help pace people and to help them avoid burnout. And, and really I think I've seen that now with our volunteers that we have now with awesome marriage and also the team that we have, making sure that I'm, uh, in tune with them what's going on in their lives, um, how are they doing, balancing life and ministry, all those kind of things.
[00:36:37] Because as all of you know, in ministry it can be heavy at times. So we needed funding, we needed funding, we needed be a way to bring some people, other people in. And so God just laid some people on my heart that I felt would really like what we were doing, and that I could share the ministry and just see where God took it.
[00:36:55] And God provided in a big way more than I could have ever imagined, which was an affirmation in so many ways. It was an affirmation of like, wow, God is in this and this is what he wants you to do at this point, along with counseling. And so that provision helped us begin to take some next steps. I was able to cut back some on counseling, which I wanted to do, uh, so I could content, more content.
[00:37:19] I was good at creating content, but we needed someone who was creative and understood technology because it looked like that was the way awesome marriage was gonna go. We were gonna be a technology based ministry. That was the world, and we needed an expert to help us navigate. And guess what? God brought us that person.
[00:37:39] And through the funding we had, we were able, uh, to pay him, uh, to, to consult with us part-time and to, uh, help us grow in that area, to bring new ideas, to get us on different platforms as we spread out to Instagram and all, all those other kind of things that, that have come out, Twitter, things like that, and, and videos and just all kinds of ideas and, and eventually into our podcast, which I'll talk more about later.
[00:38:05] So my thought philosophy, I think was as we started into awesome marriage, uh, was influenced a lot like by my pastor Craig Rochelle. Um, I loved what he said about life church since the whole time we've been there for 19 years and they'll do anything short of sin to reach people for Christ. And I felt the same way about reaching people with God's plan for marriage will do anything short of sin to reach people with that message, to help 'em have the marriages that God intended for them.
[00:38:31] So as we started, we, we had same things that worked and we had some things that didn't, uh, which was interesting. But as I look back, we learned from all of those things that didn't work. If something new started in social media, we really wanted to be on the ground floor. And there were some, like, I remember Peach, I can't remember all that Peach did, but it didn't work for us.
[00:38:50] Uh, but then others like Instagram became mainstays and they became, uh, a real part of what we were doing in ministry. The key I think, that I learned in that was learning when to get out. And when to not, and not waste resources. And so, um, God really taught me a lot about that and that it was okay. It wasn't failure.
[00:39:09] If we got into something and it didn't work and we got needed to get out, no, I didn't have to stay in there and try to make something work that wasn't gonna work. It was okay to, to cut loose of it and to not do that. And to also look and see that in each one of those things, we learned something. God taught us something that we were able to apply in the future and help us not make some of the same mistakes again.
[00:39:34] Our team right now is all, uh, part-time, uh, which has worked incredibly well. Uh, almost all of them are virtual. Uh, I meet with them regularly through Zoom. We communicate through email and we use Slack. And honestly, it's like they're just in the next office all the time. I, I know they're not, but I can get face to face with any of 'em just about any time I need to or want to with my key people.
[00:40:00] Um, Christina, who is our coo, uh, sir Jane, who keeps all my schedule, does those things. We communicate face to face a lot. Some of the others, it's just as, as things are needed then I always wanna be there. I always wanna encourage them. So I believe our mission of helping people have the marriage God created them for has not changed since day one.
[00:40:24] It's never gonna change. I think that was what we wanted to do then. Um, change what changes is the way we make things happen. I think for, for me, the thing that God's taught me for this is flexibility. You know, when I was in the business world, it was kinda like you find had some principles and you kind of stuck with those with awesome marriage.
[00:40:43] Sure. We have our foundation, we have our core beliefs, we have the things that we want to do, but man, we have to be flexible with it. There's no place in the world of technology for getting comfortable with the status quo, because it's gonna change tomorrow. You know, I remember early on, I remember some of the guys at church Online saying, you know, what we're doing today, we're not gonna be doing in five years.
[00:41:04] It's gonna be changed. And you know, I think it's some of the things we've seen that we are doing today, we may not even be doing a year from now or something like that because social media changes and, and the platforms change. Facebook is very different today than it was back then. At that time. It was easy to grow.
[00:41:19] We got to 150,000 people pretty quickly. It's harder to grow that now. We were able to put a lot of content out to people and, and we knew they got it. But because of algorithms and stuff, you know, that's not always the best way. And so now we have learned to use different things, different ways to reach people.
[00:41:35] And so that's where we've broadened the ministry with other social media, with a lot of video, which we really believe in with the YouTube channel and certainly with our podcast, which are, which has done really, really well. And we've seen that grow greatly. And I think we're, at this point, we're way over 300 episodes we've had in Boston marriage podcasts.
[00:41:56] Leading our team has been pretty easy. Uh, I have an incredible team. They get our mission, they're passionate about it. Uh, I encourage them, I offer them guidance, but I want them to do the job that we hired them to do, and I don't wanna get in their way and I don't wanna get in God's way. And so that's kind of my philosophy.
[00:42:15] Uh, we have a way of monitoring things. We know, um, what they're doing, how they're doing it, but my goodness, they are doing a great job. We have, um, a new lady that's in charge of our fundraising. Uh, she has come up with incredible ideas and taken that to a whole new level in a really short period of time.
[00:42:31] And so, uh, God has blessed us with incredible people. And I think there's, um, praying for the right people, um, evaluating people well when we interviewed them and knowing, seeing that they had a passion for this ministry has made a big difference. And so I think that's a key thing. And, and I, I know God will continue to send us the people as we, uh, as we grow.
[00:42:53] I think I've got a lot better about interviewing, about knowing what to look for with people. Uh, and that's essential because I want people that can succeed. I don't wanna bring somebody in that they're gonna struggle and, and they're gonna feel bad about not being able to, to be a part of the team or do as well as the other team.
[00:43:09] So we try to do a really good job of that. And a lot of that is really praying, uh, communicate with the team through email. I send a video update, uh, at least every month. Um, and then the, not recently I was able to pull much of our team together as I did, went to Raleigh, North Carolina to do an event in a church.
[00:43:27] And, uh, we were able to get them together and spend some time with them and have them come to the event. And, you know, we're a very close knit team and it's amazing how close we are, um, being spread out like we are because we have people all over the United States, from New York to Oklahoma, to Texas, to North Carolina, to, um, I know I'm forgetting Colorado.
[00:43:50] Um, lots of different places. As we look to the future of awesome marriage, uh, I think it's bright. I'm excited about it. I'm, I'm excited, I think in a lot of ways because it always changes and there's always something new and something exciting. Uh, at times I feel like we're still building that air airplane as we're flying it.
[00:44:07] Uh, but now I've got an excellent crew with me. Um, and God is our pilot and God is our leader. Um, it's not just me and God imro that was always enough, but the people each brought have made a huge difference. So I think we're prepared for the future. I think God has great things for us. The marriage in the future.
[00:44:25] Uh, I'm excited about that. Uh, with the plane analogy, I don't think landing the plane is ever gonna be an option. I think God's gonna keep building that plane, helping us build the plane. But going down to land and taking a timeout is not an option. We're gonna keep flying. But I know this God can work miracles in the worst of situations and marriages.
[00:44:50] We just have to let him in. And when I've seen couples let him in, oh my gosh, the things that he does are amazing. So God has taught me a lot to look at people on the inside to hear their story, to better understand them, and how to help them to know that he loves every one of them, no matter how hard they meet may be for me to love.
[00:45:13] And that happens sometimes. I mean, I love most of my clients, but every once in a while there's somebody that's difficult and I have to really pray to help God help me see them through his eyes. Um, one of the things I prayed early on was that I never, ever wanted to work with a child molester. I just didn't know how I could handle that.
[00:45:31] It was the most abhorrent thing to me. And I had a lady call me one day and she said she was making the point for her husband. And so this guy comes in and what I didn't know till he was. Sitting there is that he had charges against him as a molester.
[00:45:50] Matt Potter: On episode three of this three-part series, Dr. Kim Kimberling explains that he wants to leave a legacy of great marriages and the Christian community. He teaches us how to bring the divorce rate closer to zero amongst Christians by working through things and removing the option of divorce.
[00:46:12] Dr. Kim Kimberling: Maybe it's me getting a little l. But I really hadn't thought a lot about leaving a legacy till maybe the last 10 years. Um, and then it became, I don't know, maybe more on the forefront of my mind. Maybe it's cuz now there's grandkids in the picture. And you know, in my newest book, 14 Keys to Lasting Love published by Faith Words, um, I made the dedication and it says something like this, it's dedicated, this book is dedicated to my amazing grandkids Soni tag, Tommy Gracie and Eli.
[00:46:41] You bring so much joy to my life and you inspire me to continue the fight for awesome marriages. I love you all. And that's it. There's a strong marriage legacy on my side of the family and I wanted that to continue for them and for others too. But, but for them to be able to, to see the value in marriage for Nancy and I to be able to model for them, for their parents to be able to model great marriage for them so that they can go out in a world that's gonna be very, very different than when Nancy and I got married.
[00:47:11] Uh, when their parents got married. And to champion marriage value, marriage and, and be a living witness and example, uh, to others of what God's plan for marriage is really all about. You know, as far back as I know, uh, there has never been a divorce in my family. My parents, my grandparents and their parents stayed together as far as I know, from the altar to the grave.
[00:47:38] And, but I saw something in them. It wasn't that they just stayed together. They didn't just exist together. And some of them I never knew. I just heard stories about them. But what I saw in the ones that I was saw up close was a passion for marriage. They enjoyed each other. They shared life together. They grew together.
[00:47:59] I, I can still remember my grandparents on the farm and, and just how, um, how my granddad, he would just walk in the kitchen and he'd pat my grandma on the, on the rear end and she'd turn around if I was there and act like she didn't like it. But she did. And he'd just had a way, they just had a, of just showing how much they cared for each other, just when I would see them sitting down together and, Relaxing and talking.
[00:48:21] And I saw that in in my mom's parents too. And, uh, they, they were a lot of fun and they would have friends over and they'd play cards. And I can remember being there at those times and I can remember watching them laugh and enjoy each other together. And all those things really had an impact on me. I, you know, honestly, the first time I ever saw a divorce up close, uh, was when I was in sixth grade and the first kid I ever knew whose parent parents were divorced.
[00:48:46] What man is that different than what we have today? But I just couldn't even understand divorce. I didn't know why would people get divorced. Marriage is so cool. So my parents, they were my front row seat for an awesome marriage. In the time that I was growing up in my home. I saw them argue twice. And I saw them both times resolve the issues.
[00:49:08] Um, I know there were tough times for them. I know we didn't see all their arguments, but I think what we did know is that they worked hard to resolve things and they didn't, uh, ever have divorce as an option. Uh, they always had a goal of resolving their problems, and you could just tell that by the way they lived with each other, the way they treated each other, the way they talked to each other.
[00:49:31] And you know, if you're at odds with each other, you don't see those kind of things. Um, I have, uh, literally hundreds of letters that my dad wrote to my mom during World War II when he was in the Pacific. And, um, gosh, as I've read through those, and I never really read through them, uh, when they were both alive, I don't know.
[00:49:48] I felt like it was an invasion of privacy and I sometimes I kind of feel like that now, but they're so rich and so, uh, full of love and wisdom and just the things that my dad wrote to her during the difficult times that he was as he was on the front lines in World War ii. Uh, that's something that I hope to turn into a book and really hope to do that, you know, maybe to begin on that pretty soon, have that out maybe in a year or so.
[00:50:14] So Nancy and I get married, as I said, uh, young. Um, we were actually 20 and 22 when we got married. Um, we, we struggled. Um, and I think our first year of marriage it was struggled. Like a lot of couples, um, struggle. We, what we didn't do that I think my parents, my grandparents did, was we never really resolved our issues.
[00:50:36] And so we would have these things that we would do. We, we had this pattern. It was kinda like things would be good, we'd have a fight. We wouldn't talk for a while. We'd miss each other. We'd start talking, and then we'd have a fight again. And we had this cycle we never broke. And what we didn't realize for those early years is it just kept chipping away at our marriage.
[00:50:58] So in year six, we had, we had our son, uh, he was a baby, and Nancy went through this struggle of, uh, should she be married? Should she be married to me? Did she love me enough to be married? Just all those kind of things that can come in a, in a young woman's mind. And, uh, it was when we were struggling in the marriage relationship, like we were, I mean, we had good times.
[00:51:17] We, and I think that's helped us together. We also were best friends that helped us a lot, uh, but we had these fights and stuff. And so, uh, Nancy sought out a woman in our church, um, a godly older lady that Nancy went to talk to, and Nancy talked to her with a story about Nancy saying a friend of hers, which actually it was about Nancy.
[00:51:37] And she told her her story and how this friend. I didn't really know if she should be married, didn't know if she loved her husband enough, and, and this wise lady looked at her and she said, tell your friend to pray to trust God, to seek him, and he will turn something beautiful into this, this marriage into something beautiful.
[00:51:57] So Nancy came home and you know, I was struggling a lot then. I didn't wanna divorce, I didn't wanna lose her. Uh, but I knew I couldn't control that. She had to work through this with God's help on her own. And she came home and we talked and we took divorce off the table. And we never ever have put it back in all these years.
[00:52:14] And I think for us it changed everything because we would approach problems in a different way. It wasn't like, okay, if we don't solve this, we'll just get a divorce. No. It was like, we gotta solve this. We've gotta resolve this. If we're not getting divorced, I don't wanna live miserable for 50 years. I wanna live with someone I love.
[00:52:30] And so it changed the whole way. I think we approached married, I think it changed the way that we approach conflict in marriage, all those kind of things. And God began, I think, to grow us together because we began to try to solve problems together instead of fighting each other. And now were things perfect.
[00:52:48] Absolutely not. There were still issues, but I think we had that new determination. We were gonna stand together with God no matter what. In the summer of 2010, I, I spent it going through my pastor's book. It was the Hebrew, that's a Hebrew word, meaning a dream, a revelation or a vision. And I knew just like I did, um, earlier in my life, that God was leading me some word, but this time I wanted to embrace.
[00:53:14] But this time I wanted to figure out what he was telling me to do, what he wanted me to do. And as I went through that book and really saw things I was passionate about, I began to develop this vision of God wanted me to do something with marriage. Sure, I was counseling people in marriage, but I've seen a lot of kids then too.
[00:53:32] And, and I think I, I began to see that, um, if I'm gonna help these kids a lot, we're gonna help these marriages too. So from that came the foundation for us, the marriage. And I knew without a doubt, the rest of my life would be spent helping people have God honoring, fulfilling marriages. It was as clear as night and day.
[00:53:56] And so when the four of us sat down to form awesome marriage, it was just like the launching of that dream. And I was so excited about it. My pastor Craig Relle asked me one time what my dream was for marriages, and I gave him this answer and he had a pretty quiz look on his face. I said, I want to zero divorce rate for Christians.
[00:54:15] Is it crazy? But this is where I, I come from in that, cuz that's still what I want. In fact, one time I even developed, I was working myself on this logo of zero and how to get that and how that could be, uh, a logo we could get out there and I never could find the right thing. Maybe we'll continue to do that, uh, some way that was a, a little pre uh, also marriage days.
[00:54:37] But I look at it this way, if we, if every couple, every Christian couple that is ready to get married prepares well and they really delve into things. And if they also are willing that if this doesn't look right, they won't get married. But if they prepare well, If they seek God, if they get married, they pray together.
[00:54:56] If they learn to fight together, why not? You know my thing, you always tell people in couples in counseling, this dream of a zero divorce rate starts with every couple. It starts with Nancy and I, it happens one marriage at a time. What if that got contagious? What if people really got a vision of God's plan for marriage and they put it first and everybody took divorce off the table and everybody was willing to work through whatever they had to work through, and everyone sought God together in their marriage.
[00:55:28] And if couples prayed together, wow, what a difference it can make. So we live in this culture today that isn't real pro marriage. Look at high divorce rates and you can see the stats very with different, I know reports, but it's gonna be 40, 50, 60% or wherever you look. It's supposedly there are more divorces in the first year of Mary than there's ever been.
[00:55:51] There's a lot of people that are delaying getting married to start their careers or maybe saying, I may never get married, or maybe we just live together. But I still believe in God's plan. I believe God's plan that he had from the beginning, Genesis two, with Adam and Eve, is what he has today for us.
[00:56:09] Relationship with a husband and wife and him at the center, and I think through our relationship with Christ, we can all have that. You know, in the early career with, uh, counseling, I did see about 75% of the kids and did realize that to help them the most, that the parents needed help. And so God began then as he showed me that vision to give me more and more opportunities to work with couples.
[00:56:34] In my early years of counseling, if, if a couple had an affair, it usually automatically ended divorce. Uh, it meant that the people just didn't seem as an affair that usually ended the marriage. And so I remember a time, um, a number of years ago now that a man called and he had made an appointment for he and his wife.
[00:56:54] And as they came in, he shared about an a fairy head and they had no idea what to do, where to go, though she was hurt so bad. She was broken, but they wanted their marriage to work and I loved it. And I thought, man, I think I know God can do this. And so I began to pray for them. God showed us things and it was hard.
[00:57:15] It was a hard really year and a half there as she tested him over and over, and then he would do make changes and she wasn't sure if it was real or he just trying to get me to not divorce him well, so he can be around the kids and stuff and, and so she didn't know whether to really embrace it, so she would push him away again and he kept seeking God and seek perseverance.
[00:57:38] You know what I learned a lot out of that is to look for, see, to see Jesus in people because that's what you can trust. And what I saw in this man was a heart change. I saw real remorse and finally she saw it too. It was, it was a long, hard process. It was 18 months, uh, consi, consistent counseling and then off and on for another period of time.
[00:58:03] And, and, and now, um, they're great leaders now. They help others in marriages, uh, and, and they're just a great couple to be around as God worked a miracle there. Sometimes I think of some of those early couples in my early years, uh, of counseling that got divorced and could they have made it? And you know, I don't know, but I wish I knew them, what I know now, but I know this God can work miracles in the worst of situations and marriages.
[00:58:34] We just have to let him in. And when I've seen couples let him in, oh my gosh, the things that he does, Are amazing. So God has taught me a lot to look at people on the inside to hear their story, to better understand them, and how to help them to know that he loves every one of them, no matter how hard they meet may be for me to love.
[00:58:57] And that happens sometimes. I mean, I love most of my clients, but every once in a while there's somebody that's difficult and I have to really pray to God help me see them through his eyes. Um, one of the things I prayed early on was that I never ever wanted to work with a child molester. I just didn't know how I could handle that.
[00:59:15] It was the most important thing to me. And I had a lady call me one day and she said she was making the point for her husband. And so this guy comes in and what I didn't know till he was sitting there is that he had charges against him as a molester. Um, God taught me a lot during that. He taught me to listen.
[00:59:37] He taught me to not be judgmental. He taught me to, to try to understand someone's story. And with this man I did, uh, never condone what he did, never thought any of that was right. It was horrible what he did. It caused destruction to so many people. But he was a guy that was abused too and was never given help.
[00:59:59] The short of that story, so you'll know is there became healing. He was not able to be around that child for a number of years. Um, but later on he was, and there was healing there. And, uh, and that marriage, that marriage stayed together. Uh, but God has taught me to listen well. He has taught me to not be judgmental and he's, he's taught me to never try to be somebody's holy Spirit.
[01:00:25] That that job is taken. And that's been big for me in my marriage and in working with everybody else, that there's a Holy Spirit there than his job is to change people, to mold them. And, God's taught me when to get out of the way and when he wants me to come alongside. Um, sometimes I'm still working on that.
[01:00:45] Sometimes I, I get the signals crossed a little bit or get 'em mixed up a little bit. But what I know is the bottom line is that in every situation, God's got this, and all we didn't need to do is to follow his lead. So awesome marriage. I, I wanted to outlive me. I wanted to outlive me a long time. I want it to go something that my grandkids and their grandkids know about awesome marriage because it's still there and God's still using it to change marriages.
[01:01:17] Will it look different? Absolutely. Will there be different faces behind it? Absolutely. Will the mission still be the same? Yes, absolutely it will. It will be to teach people God's incredible plan for marriage and that he has something very, very special for them, and that his desire is to be right in the middle of their marriage.
[01:01:37] And it really doesn't matter to me if my name is associated with it down the line or long or down the line, if it is or not. The big picture is about couples having awesome marriages. It's about God being number one about a spouse being number two day after day after day. And this is what I believe from the very beginning, that I truly believe, and this is the legacy that I wanna live.
[01:02:06] I truly believe that a world full of awesome marriages will literally change the world.
[01:02:16] Matt Potter: Many of us can hear or sense God's calling. We may not know exactly what he has in mind for us, but we can feel his presence and know in our heart that he has something special for us. But sometimes we're not ready for it. So we run. We feel afraid or overwhelmed. Still, sometimes we think we know better.
[01:02:37] We think we know the right direction for our lives, but we can never outrun God. He always patiently follows walking side by side and finding ways to use everything that happens in our lives to both guide and prepare us for his great plan. This week on Relentless Hope, Dr. Kim Kimberling, author and professional Christian counselor taught us to stop running from God and to allow his plans for our lives to unfold.
[01:03:06] Dr. Kim shared his journey from working for his father in the family business to. Earning a PhD and Doctor of Ministry in Christian counseling where he's helped couples build thriving marriages for more than 40 years. As Dr. Kim shared with us, when he decided to go back to school at age 35, he had no idea what God's plan for him was, but Dr.
[01:03:32] Kim simply knew that he was headed in the direction that God wanted him to go, and that was enough. Dr. Kim also taught us some of the important leadership lessons he learned after launching the technology-based ministry. Awesome marriage. We learned about the need to remain flexible in what we do and what we want to do and how we do it, and about proper.
[01:03:55] Really managing our resources, including knowing when to let go when something isn't working out. And we also learned about how Dr. Kim works to encourage his team, offering them guidance and monitoring them and how he trusts them to do their jobs. As Dr. Kim said, he doesn't want to get in their way or God's way.
[01:04:18] We also learned about how Dr. Kim wants to leave a legacy of helping people realize God's plan for marriage. Dr. Kim shared his goal to have a zero divorce rate amongst Christians. As Dr. Kim says, he believes this can happen if every Christian couple really prepares before they get married. As Dr. Kim explains, this means being willing to not get married if the relationship isn't right, but if the marriage is right, then Dr.
[01:04:47] Kim and encourages us to lean into God's plan for marriage by taking divorce off. The table. It forces us to work through whatever differences and issues we have. Dr. Kim teaches us that God can work miracles in the worst of situations in our lives and marriages. We just have to let him in. We have to let his plan for us come first and to trust God, to trust that he is using everything that happens to us for the greater good, including our own God gently invites us to let go of every plan we have created for our lives, including our marriages, to allow his plans for us to unfold on his timing.
[01:05:34] And as Dr. Kim taught us, we can rest easy knowing that God's plan for our lives are good, and his plans are better than anything we could hope to create.
Transforming a Marriage with God’s Love - Dr. Kim Kimberling
[00:00:00] Matt Potter: God has a plan for our lives. Sometimes it's hard to trust this, especially when we don't quite know where God is directing us, or how an experience fits into His plan for our lives. It's easy to fall into uncertainty, doubt, even fear during these moments. God asks us to come to him in prayer. To turn to his word and to listen to our hearts for he shall offer us comfort and peace and wise, compassionate counsel, and God urges us to let go of the need to know all the steps on our paths or even where our paths are leading us.
[00:00:41] He invites us to trust him and to trust that he has a plan for everything because he does. God has a plan for our lives, and it is such a good plan. It's far better plan than anything we can come up with on our own. This week on Relentless Hope, Dr. Kim Kimberling, author and professional Christian counselor teaches us about trusting in God's plan for our lives and marriages.
[00:01:08] We learn about how Dr. Kim spent the first. 35 years of his life running from God's plan out of fear. But when Dr. Kim stopped running and allowed God to direct his every step, Dr. Kim's life became exciting, fun, and better than anything he could ever have imagined. And as Dr. Kim teaches us, God never allows any time to be wasted.
[00:01:33] He has a plan for everything, even when we don't understand it. Dr. Kim reminds us through his own experiences that often we don't know the meaning until later, that we won't understand God's hand in it or his plan for using an experience until we're much further along on our path. We also hear how Dr.
[00:01:55] Kim had to quickly learn how to lead after launching the technology based ministry. Awesome marriage, which rapidly grew in its first years. Dr. Kim teaches us the importance of building the right team and about pacing them. As Dr. Kim shares passion and desire need to be tempered or people will Berndt out, including the best leaders.
[00:02:18] We also learn how Dr. Kim wants to leave a legacy of helping people, realizing God's plan for marriage. We learn how Dr. Kim comes from a family with a strong marriage legacy, and how his grandparents and parents modeled healthy and happy marriages. Marriage was never about simply staying or existing together.
[00:02:39] It was about two people who had a real passion for. For it, who enjoyed each other, who wanted to share and build a life together, who also grew together and worked hard to resolve issues and who took divorce off the table. Dr. Kim teaches us that God has an incredible plans for us, including incredible plans for marriage, and he desires to be right in the middle of everything we can run from God's plan.
[00:03:09] Dr. Kim did at first, but God never quits. He never stops pursuing us, and he always has a plan for us. The only difference is whether we wanna stop running to follow the direction that God has planned for us and to be the person God wants us to be. When Dr. Kim Kimberling decided to go back to school, he found himself on academic probation and had to decide on some new life changes.
[00:03:40] Dr. Kim Kimberling: Well, this is springtime, so I made application, I got accepted in the program. But when I, with the school part, I got accepted on probation because when I was at tcu, um, I did a lot more playing than I did studying. And especially when I thought I was gonna go business with my dad, I knew I didn't have to have the best grades to do that.
[00:04:00] So I got into grad school, but I was on probation, had to prove myself, which is fine. I needed to do that. But part of that was after a semester I was off probation. And, uh, as I started, um, a couple of master's programs, So the things that I had talked and Nancy talked about that were gonna change actually did change.
[00:04:21] You know, uh, we lived on about 20% of what we'd lived on the year before for the next two years. Uh, we had friends that thought we were crazy and didn't have any idea what we were doing. Um, our lifestyle changed, but, you know, Nancy clipped all the coupons. We ate a lot of hamburgers. We, um, all the kind of things like that.
[00:04:39] And, and, you know, our kids were at that point, probably four and seven. They never missed a beat. I don't think they ever knew that anything had changed.
[00:04:51] Matt Potter: On episode one of this three-part series, we'll hear about Dr. Kim Kimberly's journey into ministry. As a Christian counselor, we hear how Kimberling learned to trust God as he continues to pursue him through all aspects of life. We learn about the creation of his company, awesome marriage from observing healthy relationships amongst his family members.
[00:05:17] Dr. Kim Kimberling: You know, I was born into Christian family. My parents were Christians, my grandparents were Christians. That was a real blessing just to, to be born into that. I was, uh, the only grandchild, the first grandchild, and the only grandchild for eight years. So those first eight years of my life were, were pretty special.
[00:05:35] I had all the people that, uh, should love me, loving me, uh, spent a lot of time with grandparents and my parents. I had an aunt that was single at that time, and so it was a really. Um, at a real formative time in my life, and I think God used that to help me really know what it it means to be loved. And certainly then it was easy to, easier for me, probably to understand his love for me.
[00:05:59] I was born in Oklahoma City and grew up there, lived in the city. Uh, my grandparents on my dad's side had a small farm and it was located not too far from Oklahoma City. And so I spent a lot of time out there. Um, I love being out there. I love being with my granddad. Um, he had a huge influence on me in my life.
[00:06:17] He, uh, had been, had worked for in a factory for most of his life, and then retired early and got this farm and he loved to farm. And so we had animals on the farm. We had pigs and uh, chickens and all those kind of things. The horses and all those kind of. Fun things. I got, uh, at eight, at eight or nine years old, I was driving a tractor.
[00:06:38] So, but the most things I remember about him was who he was and, um, how much he loved me and how he loved me unconditionally. I just, I remember screwing up doing things I shouldn't do when I was around my grandparents and when I was on the farm. But I never, what I remember most of was his unconditional love and how he taught me and how he helped me to know how to learn from my mistakes and something that I didn't realize the value of at such a young age.
[00:07:07] But as I grew, I realized how valuable that was. Some of my fondest memories are in the summer when I would spend just about as much time as I could out there. In fact, I remember one summer, uh, my parents came out one day just to visit me because I just didn't wanna come home. I just wanted to be out there and be on the farm and spend time with my granddad.
[00:07:26] And in the evenings, uh, after the sunset and we had dinner, we'd go out in their backyard and they had a couple of hammocks there. I can remember just laying in those dynamics side by side with my granddad and looking at the stars and, and him just pouring into me, telling me about life, telling me about God, helping me understand, um, just so much about, about who God was.
[00:07:47] And not only did he tell me about it, it was an incredible model. I saw the way he treated people. I saw the way people respond to him. I saw how important his faith was to him. And then he was really the reason that at a young age, I committed my life to Christ. I wanted to be like my granddad, and I knew how important Christ was in his life.
[00:08:08] And so that seemed like the right thing, the natural thing to do. So as I was growing up, I can remember at, at 11 years old thinking that, um, just being on the farm and just thinking, man, I hope this never ends. I hope everything ever changes. And, and yet it did. And, and I think the next year or so was when I had friends asking me to go with them in the summer to.
[00:08:30] The lake and the water ski and things like that. And so my time at the farm, um, was less and less, but the, the lessons I learned there, the things that were poured into me have lasted a lifetime. I was about 12 years old when I felt called to ministry. Um, I don't really know how to explain it other than it, I just felt God impressed that on me, that he had something special for me, that he had something that he wanted me to do.
[00:08:56] And so I remember talking to my parents about it. They were positive and excited and I told my pastor at that time about it and he was very encouraging. And so I can remember being kind of on this spiritual high then, and, and then I kinda let life get in the way, I guess, of middle school, high school.
[00:09:13] And, um, I wanted, I still had that in the back of my mind, but I'm not, I wasn't sure what it meant. Does that mean I was gonna be a pastor in the church? Does that mean I was gonna be a missionary? Uh, we had a relative that was a missionary in a foreign country and she would come every year and tell us about her mission trips.
[00:09:29] And obviously I honestly, I really thought it was interesting, but I thought, gosh, I don't know if I really wanna do that. Is that what God wants me to do? So I think there was some confusion there. And so, um, I was active in my church. I was active in my church youth group. I was president of my youth group, but it was kinda like I was trying to live two lives there.
[00:09:48] I was trying to live, live like the kind of secular high school life and also the Christian high school life. Uh, and that was confusing and probably a lot of the times during those years, uh, the secular high school life, one out. Uh, but always in the back of my mind was this thing of, you're called the ministry.
[00:10:09] When I went to college, went to Texas Christian University, and that's where I met my wife Nancy. She was two years younger than me. Uh, we met when she was a freshman. I was a junior. We met on a blind date. Um, actually the first date didn't go real well. She didn't think she ever wanted to go out with me again, but that was probably the first miracle that God worked because a couple weeks later she changed her mind.
[00:10:31] Uh, and I took advantage of that. And we went out and then we dated for a couple years before we got married. While Nancy and I were dating, we'd go to church, some, and, and I'd always go to church when I got back home. Uh, you know, those kind of things. It was just part of our life at home. And so, uh, but the time I graduated though, I began kind of bargaining with God.
[00:10:53] I went to college and I went to, uh, got a business degree. Uh, and I, I just began to bargain with God that, you know, okay, God, I'm gonna be the best Christian businessman, uh, that you've ever had. You know, I'm gonna be the best one. And so I was able to continue to push that, that call to ministry back. In early marriage, um, Nancy and I got married.
[00:11:13] Uh, we, Nancy was 19 when we got engaged. And uh, so we got married very young. Uh, we didn't have kids for about five years, and so that early part of marriage was the time of really, uh, settling in, learning about each other, going through some hard times and all that kind of stuff. Um, I was working with my dad, and my dad owned supermarkets in Oklahoma City.
[00:11:33] He had a great thriving business. He had five stores and, and he needed me, wanted me to come into the business. In fact, was really excited when I told him that that's what I wanted to do. And so those, those years of working with my dad were really special, uh, working side by side with him, seeing him every day.
[00:11:51] Those kind of things were special. And I, I think God showed me a lot of things during those years too, as I learned to interact with people, I think in ways that I hadn't before. I learned some things about business that I think, um, have helped me and working with men in counseling over the years. And so, um, I, it was a, it was a good time in my life, but there was this.
[00:12:10] Thing in the back of my mind, and God was just not letting go of me. I kept pushing it down. So as time went on, the supermarket business, uh, became tough. Uh, our stores were not as big and new as some of the new stores that were coming in. Uh, and then things like Walmart and there were a lot of challenges in the business.
[00:12:31] My dad was at, at a stage and, and he said, um, man, D what do you wanna do? Do you wanna continue this business? If you do, um, I want you to do that and I'll back you in that and we'll see what we can do, uh, to make it go and go thriving. But he was at a point that if I didn't want to do that, he was ready to, to sell the stores and go into something else.
[00:12:53] And so, um, it finally came to a point that I just kind of decided what was I gonna do? You know, I was passionate about what I was doing with the grocery business. I enjoyed it. But now my dad was at this stage and so what was I gonna do? So at that time I was about 35 years old. And um, it finally came to the point.
[00:13:12] I knew I had to see what God wanted me to do. Nancy kinda knew of my struggles, so she did know my struggles. I was honest with her. Um, and she was just patient with me. I think she was praying for me in this area a lot more than I knew she was. And so I said one night, I said, uh, let's get somebody to keep the kids tonight and let's go to dinner and let's talk about about this.
[00:13:33] I gotta figure this out. So we had these friends that took the kids and we went to this little, um, old no Mexican place that we loved. And I just poured my heart out and I said, you know, I, I know God's called me to do something. I have no what idea what that's like. I have no idea what it's gonna look like for us and for our future and for our family.
[00:13:54] And I said, you know, we're probably gonna, you know, if I go back to school or something, we're gonna have to live on a lot less if we sell the stores, you know, my income is gonna go drastically down. We're gonna spend the, uh, you know, have a lot less to live on. I think some of our friends will think we're crazy and all those kind of things.
[00:14:10] And she's kept looking at me and she just kept saying, I'm all in. She said, it doesn't matter about the money. It doesn't matter about what the friends do. It doesn't matter if our life child changes. I want you to do what God wants you to do. And I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you a hundred percent.
[00:14:26] And then, and then just, God gave her this wisdom. She said, you know, there's a friend of ours that was a Christian counselor. She said, you know, you really respect him. You've known him through church and things. Why not go talk to him? Why not see what he says about this? And now he looks at it. I thought it was a great idea.
[00:14:42] So, so I called him and later that week we met for lunch. And uh, I just trusted this guy a lot and, and we went through and I just kind of told him a lot of the same things. I told Nancy about my calling and not sure what to do and kind of what I'd done in business and how really in business most of the time.
[00:14:58] What I really enjoyed was talking to the employees and having, hearing about their problems and helping 'em kind of navigate through that and helping 'em be better at work and better at home. And so I, I loved doing those things and he just kinda looked at me and he said, if you ever thought about being a Christian counselor, and I hadn't, Never had crossed my mind.
[00:15:16] And so I thought then, well, yeah, that might be a good idea. So began to explore that. Uh, there was actually a place in Oklahoma City where I could start grad school. Uh, I could also do an internship there, um, and kind of on the, on the job training type stuff. Uh, and so I thought that's what I'd really like to do.
[00:15:34] Well, this is springtime, so I made application. I got accepted in the program, but when I, with the school part, I got accepted on probation because when I was at tcu, um, I did a lot more playing than I did studying. And especially when I thought I was gonna go business with my dad, I knew I didn't have to have the best grades to do that.
[00:15:54] So I got into grad school, but I was on probation, had to prove myself, which is fine. I needed to do that. The part of that was after a semester I was off probation and, uh, as I started, um, a couple of master's programs. So the things that I had talked and Nancy talked about that were gonna change, actually did change.
[00:16:14] You know, uh, we lived on about 20% of what we'd lived on the year before for the next two years. Uh, we had friends that thought we were crazy and didn't have any idea what we were doing. Um, our lifestyle changed, but, you know, anti clipped all the coupons. We ate a lot of hamburgers, we, um, all the kind of things like that.
[00:16:32] And, and, you know, our kids were at that point, probably four and seven. They never missed a beat. I don't think they ever knew that anything had changed, because I think I was finally headed in the direction that God wanted me to head in. And Nancy was a hundred percent supportive and, and we loved it and we were working together and.
[00:16:50] So she was supportive. Um, I helped her with the kids those years that I was in college or grad school. A lot of late, late, late nights studying when the family go to bed and I would, uh, stay up and study. But it was exciting and it was fun. It, we knew we were heading direction that God wanted us to head in the place where I was going to school.
[00:17:12] And then I had to do some work at a campus in California for a while. But out of that I got two master's degree, one in Christian counseling and the other in theological studies. I was just drinking in all of this stuff, just loving it. It was like undergraduate was just boring and a, and, uh, not something I got interested in, but this, doing what God wanted me to do, it was, it was exciting.
[00:17:36] I learned a lot about God's word during that time. I learned about how he. Changes life and how his word changes life and how he cares about people. And I had developed this huge passion for helping, helping, uh, helping people. So I ended up with a couple, those two master's degrees and I went on to get a doctor of ministry in Christian counseling and a PhD in Christian counseling.
[00:17:56] And I think there was a time when ne Nancy thought that I would never, ever stop going to school. I was gonna go to school forever. Um, which I probably would've liked to do, but you know, I kinda ran outta programs to go to. So, uh, started out working for that place, um, that I did the internship with. We were there seven years.
[00:18:17] And then we started Family Christian Counseling. Uh, that was 29 years ago. Um, it was me and, uh, interesting enough, the guy who had encouraged me to be a Christian counselor that we both branched off on our own together to start a new counseling center. And it was scary and it was exciting, but God continued to bring people around us that were encouraging and supportive and helped us, uh, through some financial hardships that came during that time.
[00:18:44] And so family Christian counseling started and I was excited about it. Today we have grown. We've had different counselors over the year, but today we have five counselors on staff. Besides myself. Uh, we cover just about every area that people have struggles in. Uh, we are definitely a Christian counseling center.
[00:19:01] We pray with people, we pray for them. Um, and it's a, it's a, it's a blessing to work, work there. Today I just, I'm in a counseling center a couple days a week. Which is a long way from the 40 hours a week I was counseling early on, which was probably crazy and I'm surprised I didn't Berndt out, but I didn't because I was doing what God wanted me to do.
[00:19:20] Um, then in 2010, I, um, we started off a marriage. I. And I'll tell more about that in a different podcast, but it was an exciting thing. It was a way to, uh, what I saw in counseling was how do I help people, uh, before they get to the counselor room? Are there things we can do to get things in materials in people's hands to help them have.
[00:19:41] Good marriages, uh, from the beginning. And so that was kind of our, our goal there today. Also, marriage reaches thousands of people every day. And as, as I look back, I see that God did have a plan in all of this. That, and, and really that he never lets time be wasted. The time, uh, growing up was so, so pivotal in my life.
[00:20:01] The things I learned, uh, through my granddad and about God, and then the time in my dad's business, and really how God didn't waste that time. Uh, the business principles I learned have helped me a lot, especially as we started Austin marriage in a counseling center. Uh, God gave me, uh, speaking opportunities, um, things that, that I did in, as, uh, I was working with.
[00:20:23] My dad was president of the State Retail Grocers Association and the City Association and had a lot of oppor. Continues to, to learn some skills that God has used, especially, uh, with as we've developed loss of marriage, that he used it all. So as I look back, you know, uh, sometimes I think, gosh, what if I had gone into ministry early?
[00:20:44] What if I had gone to, uh, undergraduate and did that? Well, I don't think that was, I don't think that part was God's plan, cuz that's where I met Nancy and, and she's been such a pivotal part of that. So when I think about it, would I change? Would I do it over? I don't know because, um, the way things unfolded, I learned a lot.
[00:21:03] Um, probably where we were in our marriage at that time. Probably the things that we needed to work through before I went into ministry that we needed to get right before, especially we had a marriage ministry. I did marriage counseling. I guess I'd look back and say probably I wouldn't change anything.
[00:21:19] Um, I would strive to do what God wants me to do today, try to listen to him better than I did. I try to not push things back when I know he is leading me in a direction. Uh, try to go that direction and be who he wants me to be in. And so I think, um, God has taught me a lot, um, as I've learned through my mistakes and I've learned, and I think that's where it helped me understand God so much, my granddad, because when I made mistakes and he came alongside me and he taught me and helped me how to write those mistakes.
[00:21:49] And I see God in the, in the same way. So I think what I learned out of all of this is that God has a plan for each of us. And I also know that he will pursue us if we're running. If I'm running like I was. He never quit pursuing. I guess maybe I thought he would, or maybe he'd get tired of chasing me sometime or, or something in there that, you know, that I wouldn't have to go into ministry and get sent to some foreign country I didn't wanna go to.
[00:22:14] No, he had a plan and it was such a good plan. I was just, Um, afraid to, I guess, trust him in that. And he's taught me a lot about trusting him now. So maybe some of you guys as you're listening to this are thinking, you're, you're running from him. Maybe after hearing this today, today is the day that you say, I'm gonna stop running too.
[00:22:34] And I promise you this, God is a good God and his plan for you is far better than anything that you would ever come up with on your own. Look at it this way, and this is what really helps me. God created me. He knows me better than I know myself. He doesn't, knows me better than I'll ever know myself, and that he is a good God and he has good plans for you as he did for me.
[00:23:01] So I kind of divide my life into parts A and parts B. Um, and God really is in both the years that I was growing up, the years that I was in college, the years that I spent in my dad's business, part B. And then maybe part A now where you could put the, the letters, I guess is where it is and, and God looking back was in both of those.
[00:23:24] The difference in the plan that I'm in now is that I'm a hundred percent on his team now. Every day I wake up, I'm passionate about helping people. I'm passionate about sharing God's incredible plan for marriage with people. It's become not only what I do, it's who I am, and it's who God created me to be.
[00:23:47] And God's good all the time. So I believe our mission of helping people have the marriage God created them for has not changed since day one. It's never gonna change. I think that was what we wanted to do then. Um, change what changes is the way we make things happen. I think for, for me, the thing that God's taught me for this is flexibility.
[00:24:12] You know, when I was in the business world, it was kinda like you find had some principles and you kind of stuck with those with also married. Sure, we have our foundation, we have our core beliefs, we have the things that we want to do, but man, we have to be flexible with it. There's no place in the world of technology for getting comfortable with the status quo, because it's gonna change tomorrow.
[00:24:37] Matt Potter: On episode two of this three part series, Dr. Kim Kimberling tells us how he's been a leader from an early age by holding a sit in at his school. Then he explains the leadership skills that were required to create his company awesome marriage and maintain the success of the organization.
[00:25:00] Dr. Kim Kimberling: You know, I think I've always liked to lead. I was thinking back even as a, at a young age, just if it was leading the, the guys on the n in the neighborhood to do a project or to do something like that. I mean, um, I loved it. I loved, uh, coming up with ideas and trying to get people to, to buy in into it.
[00:25:15] And so I loved, I loved leading and, but if I really think about it, probably the first leadership experience, uh, that I really had came in sixth grade. I love my grade school. I love my friends there. I love my teachers there. I love my principal. I loved everything about that school. But the cafeteria food, I started at school as a new student when I was seven and second grade, kindergarten, first grade, I'd been into different schools.
[00:25:41] My parents had moved a couple of times and I really never locked in with friends or anything in those schools. And from day one, I loved the school. I left kids there. Everything about it just seemed to click for me. So the food in the cafeteria with seven, I probably thought was okay. I don't remember thinking it was horrible, but I don't remember thinking, man, I wanna eat throw all the time.
[00:26:03] And it seemed, as I looked at it, my opinion of the food was that it went further downhill every single year. I had some leadership opportunities from my school as a sixth grader. Uh, if you guys, some of you remember Gen Junior Police, we were the ones who would, uh, be there and would help kids across, across the street, um, so that they didn't get hit, that kind of thing.
[00:26:23] And so the regular, uh, junior police had a, had a white belt, and if you were a lieutenant, you had a silver belt. But I had the gold belt for a while, which means that I was head of all of 'em. So it was a great opportunity for me. Um, I got to operate the school projector for assemblies. The, the principal and I had gotten to be really good friends, and I know that was kind of an honor for the sixth grader, one or two guys to be.
[00:26:47] The ones who got to operate the school projector and take care of it and all those kind of things. So, you know, by sixth grade I was getting outta class a lot to do special things and really enjoyed that. And again, though everything was great except the cafeteria food. So I decided in sixth grade, the whatever leader I was, it was up to me to do something about it.
[00:27:10] So I thought, well, let's do this the right way. So I organized this petition and I literally got almost every student in the school to sign it demanding better food. So I took my petition, I took my papers and I went into the school principal and I said, can we sit down and talk? And of course he said he did.
[00:27:31] He had no, I, I don't think he had any idea. Maybe he did what was going on. And I, so I talked to him about it. I gave him to him. I showed the petition. I said, we want things to change. And man, I, I can remember the, the next day thinking, oh man, I can't wait to for lunch today for the change to begin. And so I remember getting in the cafeteria line and looking at the food, and it was bad.
[00:27:53] It was the same old stuff. Nothing changed. I thought, well, they thought it was like, they thought this was this cute idea and I was commended for my efforts. Well, that was so a creative view to get this signed, blah, blah, blah. But the food was the same. So now came part B. And I arranged a sit in of sorts.
[00:28:16] Looking back, I think it was pretty amazing that we ever pulled this off in school, but I now had a following and kids in every single grade that could understand what we were doing was really even some first graders wanted to help. So we staged a sack lunch day. The plan, well, it was that everybody in the school would bring a lunch from home on the same day.
[00:28:43] Now, my school, on a typical day, probably about 10% of the kids brought their lunch from home and the rest of the people ate at the cafeteria, and this cafeteria staff counted on that. They counted on 90% of the kids being there to eat, and so they prepared that way. They didn't count on our brown bag day.
[00:29:03] The day was a huge success. Well, eventually it was a huge success first. After it happened, after everybody realized what was going on after the cafeteria cooked all this food that nobody was gonna eat. I spent a couple hours in the principal's office and he, he let me sweat. I was petrified. I had no idea what was going to happen.
[00:29:22] You know, I didn't think he could send me to jail, but I, I didn't know. I didn't know. But then we talked and then he left for a while, and then he came back and he said he was such a cool guy. This time we hear what you guys are trying to say. I promise you there will be some changes in the quality of the cafeteria.
[00:29:40] Food victory. As simple as that incident was, it taught me never to give up. I am fifth. I'm fighting for something that I believe in, and that principle has followed me on my life. Giving up is not on my radar. Organizing people, helping them come together, helping them to come together for a cause. That's what I can do, and I can do well.
[00:30:06] So awesome marriage. Let's talk about that a little bit. It was born out of a brainstorm session in 2010. At that time, I was spending a lot of time with the leaders of Life Church's Church online. I, I liked the guys. Um, it was in the early stages, but it was growing rapidly and really no one else was doing what Life Church was doing there.
[00:30:25] And what, what they kind of began to involve me. There were a lot of questions and prayer requests coming in from people who were doing church online about their marriages. They were getting questions about marriage that they really didn't know how to answer. And so I began to consult and, and spend time with them and how do we do this?
[00:30:43] There some things we can do to help these people. And so I said, you know, At some point, let's figure out, let's sit down and see what we can do. So we set together four of us, and our goal was to what? To come up with a way to help people around the world have the marriage that God designed for them.
[00:31:01] Pretty simple plan, uh, big plan, big thing. But I thought, let's start, that's what we need to do. So we were talking and, and we were talking about different ways we could do that. And at that time Facebook probably had about 500 million people, something like that, much smaller than they are now. Um, but there was a lot of negative stuff coming out in 2010 about Facebook and people were connecting with old boyfriends and girlfriends, and Facebook was gonna be the ruin nation of marriage as we know it, and all those kind of things.
[00:31:30] So the four of us sit around and we're talking, and what do we do? We decided to launch a Facebook page for marriage, and we sat there for a minute and we brainstormed and we thought, let's call it, I Want An Awesome Marriage. And that was the first name of this ministry of awesome Marriage. So the the, we set it up, we decided we would launch it in a couple of weeks.
[00:31:52] My role was to write content and we kind of decided what we wanted. We wanted to address things, needs to help people that were married, people that were marriages were struggling, people that were engaged, people that were divorced and wanted to, um, heal and, and get back and be able to get married again someday.
[00:32:10] So we developed content for all of these. And what we wanted to do and why we chose Facebook because we wanted to go where the people were. And Facebook was a place where people were, and Facebook was a little different there. It was a way that we, where we really could offer content. There weren't all the videos, there weren't things like that.
[00:32:30] And so the written content on there was a big deal in addition to pictures and things like that. And so people were, were willing to read some of that content. And so it was a perfect, really platform for us to do that. And I wrote content, I wrote a lot of content. I thank God gave me an ability there, thank goodness, uh, and he was in it and help me do that.
[00:32:51] We also wanted a way for people to ask prayer for their marriages. That was really important too. So about a month after our meeting, we officially launched and when within a week we had over 10,000 followers and the growth continued, you know, the whatever was, and 10 that awesome marriage would be a part of life's church.
[00:33:10] Those three men continued to pour into me to gimme ideas and encouragement. But it was soon God and Me, and this was new territory for me. It was like we were building this airplane and we're trying to get everything right. When the plane all of a sudden took off and the first three to four years seemed like we were trying to build a plane while it was flying in the air.
[00:33:36] So the challenge to lead was never overwhelming, I guess. But it was close at times and I had a lot to learn and really didn't have a lot of time to learn it in. So I soon knew that I couldn't do this on my own. Uh, that was one of the principles that I learned very quickly, just because I thought, oh my gosh.
[00:33:57] Uh, this became really clear one night when I asked people to give us their prayer request for their marriages. So I had done this before and, and we'd only have like a handful of requests come in. And so I'd usually do it, we'd kind of post this at six in the evening, and so like about nine o'clock I'd go in and I'd look and I'd answer the prayer request and pray for them and that kind of stuff.
[00:34:20] So that night, in 30 minutes, we had 186 request. And I can remember walking in to my wife Nancy, and going, we got 186 requests. You gotta come and help me. I don't know how we're gonna pray for all these people. Uh, But we did, and I think it was the way that God said, you know, you could do this, but you're not gonna sleep much, so you're gonna have to bring some people along to help.
[00:34:43] Well, at that point, uh, also married, we hadn't done any fundraising at all. We had no money to pay any staff or any, anybody else. It was just me and when I could get Nancy to help. And so I recruited volunteers. And I think that time really helped me understand a lot about volunteers because for the first couple years they really became the backbone of the ministry.
[00:35:07] Uh, we had leaders from Australia. There was a young woman there in Perth that just was great and just passionate. And it was cool because at the times when people in the United States were asleep, she was awake and she could help us cover things and answer prayer request. During this time, we also had, uh, some people from England.
[00:35:26] We had a wonderful lady from Chile, and, and then we had some leaders in the United States. People. That did an amazing job that I think really God brought us at that time. And they were great at interacting with people and helping people and, um, entering prayers and praying for people and with people and all those kind of things.
[00:35:45] And at that time we were creating a lot of content, but we didn't have near the resources we have now. And so we had to figure out, you know, how can we lead these people? What can we direct them to, to help them? Because at that point we were, we were building the things. We just didn't have it really. But what I learned about volunteers were that their passion and their desire needed to be tempered some, or they were gonna Berndt out.
[00:36:08] And I didn't realize that until some of my best leaders really burned out. And so I think what God taught me during that time is, is learning how to pe, how to help pace people and to help them avoid burnout. And, and really I think I've seen that now with our volunteers that we have now with awesome marriage and also the team that we have, making sure that I'm, uh, in tune with them what's going on in their lives, um, how are they doing, balancing life and ministry, all those kind of things.
[00:36:37] Because as all of you know, in ministry it can be heavy at times. So we needed funding, we needed funding, we needed be a way to bring some people, other people in. And so God just laid some people on my heart that I felt would really like what we were doing, and that I could share the ministry and just see where God took it.
[00:36:55] And God provided in a big way more than I could have ever imagined, which was an affirmation in so many ways. It was an affirmation of like, wow, God is in this and this is what he wants you to do at this point, along with counseling. And so that provision helped us begin to take some next steps. I was able to cut back some on counseling, which I wanted to do, uh, so I could content, more content.
[00:37:19] I was good at creating content, but we needed someone who was creative and understood technology because it looked like that was the way awesome marriage was gonna go. We were gonna be a technology based ministry. That was the world, and we needed an expert to help us navigate. And guess what? God brought us that person.
[00:37:39] And through the funding we had, we were able, uh, to pay him, uh, to, to consult with us part-time and to, uh, help us grow in that area, to bring new ideas, to get us on different platforms as we spread out to Instagram and all, all those other kind of things that, that have come out, Twitter, things like that, and, and videos and just all kinds of ideas and, and eventually into our podcast, which I'll talk more about later.
[00:38:05] So my thought philosophy, I think was as we started into awesome marriage, uh, was influenced a lot like by my pastor Craig Rochelle. Um, I loved what he said about life church since the whole time we've been there for 19 years and they'll do anything short of sin to reach people for Christ. And I felt the same way about reaching people with God's plan for marriage will do anything short of sin to reach people with that message, to help 'em have the marriages that God intended for them.
[00:38:31] So as we started, we, we had same things that worked and we had some things that didn't, uh, which was interesting. But as I look back, we learned from all of those things that didn't work. If something new started in social media, we really wanted to be on the ground floor. And there were some, like, I remember Peach, I can't remember all that Peach did, but it didn't work for us.
[00:38:50] Uh, but then others like Instagram became mainstays and they became, uh, a real part of what we were doing in ministry. The key I think, that I learned in that was learning when to get out. And when to not, and not waste resources. And so, um, God really taught me a lot about that and that it was okay. It wasn't failure.
[00:39:09] If we got into something and it didn't work and we got needed to get out, no, I didn't have to stay in there and try to make something work that wasn't gonna work. It was okay to, to cut loose of it and to not do that. And to also look and see that in each one of those things, we learned something. God taught us something that we were able to apply in the future and help us not make some of the same mistakes again.
[00:39:34] Our team right now is all, uh, part-time, uh, which has worked incredibly well. Uh, almost all of them are virtual. Uh, I meet with them regularly through Zoom. We communicate through email and we use Slack. And honestly, it's like they're just in the next office all the time. I, I know they're not, but I can get face to face with any of 'em just about any time I need to or want to with my key people.
[00:40:00] Um, Christina, who is our coo, uh, sir Jane, who keeps all my schedule, does those things. We communicate face to face a lot. Some of the others, it's just as, as things are needed then I always wanna be there. I always wanna encourage them. So I believe our mission of helping people have the marriage God created them for has not changed since day one.
[00:40:24] It's never gonna change. I think that was what we wanted to do then. Um, change what changes is the way we make things happen. I think for, for me, the thing that God's taught me for this is flexibility. You know, when I was in the business world, it was kinda like you find had some principles and you kind of stuck with those with awesome marriage.
[00:40:43] Sure. We have our foundation, we have our core beliefs, we have the things that we want to do, but man, we have to be flexible with it. There's no place in the world of technology for getting comfortable with the status quo, because it's gonna change tomorrow. You know, I remember early on, I remember some of the guys at church Online saying, you know, what we're doing today, we're not gonna be doing in five years.
[00:41:04] It's gonna be changed. And you know, I think it's some of the things we've seen that we are doing today, we may not even be doing a year from now or something like that because social media changes and, and the platforms change. Facebook is very different today than it was back then. At that time. It was easy to grow.
[00:41:19] We got to 150,000 people pretty quickly. It's harder to grow that now. We were able to put a lot of content out to people and, and we knew they got it. But because of algorithms and stuff, you know, that's not always the best way. And so now we have learned to use different things, different ways to reach people.
[00:41:35] And so that's where we've broadened the ministry with other social media, with a lot of video, which we really believe in with the YouTube channel and certainly with our podcast, which are, which has done really, really well. And we've seen that grow greatly. And I think we're, at this point, we're way over 300 episodes we've had in Boston marriage podcasts.
[00:41:56] Leading our team has been pretty easy. Uh, I have an incredible team. They get our mission, they're passionate about it. Uh, I encourage them, I offer them guidance, but I want them to do the job that we hired them to do, and I don't wanna get in their way and I don't wanna get in God's way. And so that's kind of my philosophy.
[00:42:15] Uh, we have a way of monitoring things. We know, um, what they're doing, how they're doing it, but my goodness, they are doing a great job. We have, um, a new lady that's in charge of our fundraising. Uh, she has come up with incredible ideas and taken that to a whole new level in a really short period of time.
[00:42:31] And so, uh, God has blessed us with incredible people. And I think there's, um, praying for the right people, um, evaluating people well when we interviewed them and knowing, seeing that they had a passion for this ministry has made a big difference. And so I think that's a key thing. And, and I, I know God will continue to send us the people as we, uh, as we grow.
[00:42:53] I think I've got a lot better about interviewing, about knowing what to look for with people. Uh, and that's essential because I want people that can succeed. I don't wanna bring somebody in that they're gonna struggle and, and they're gonna feel bad about not being able to, to be a part of the team or do as well as the other team.
[00:43:09] So we try to do a really good job of that. And a lot of that is really praying, uh, communicate with the team through email. I send a video update, uh, at least every month. Um, and then the, not recently I was able to pull much of our team together as I did, went to Raleigh, North Carolina to do an event in a church.
[00:43:27] And, uh, we were able to get them together and spend some time with them and have them come to the event. And, you know, we're a very close knit team and it's amazing how close we are, um, being spread out like we are because we have people all over the United States, from New York to Oklahoma, to Texas, to North Carolina, to, um, I know I'm forgetting Colorado.
[00:43:50] Um, lots of different places. As we look to the future of awesome marriage, uh, I think it's bright. I'm excited about it. I'm, I'm excited, I think in a lot of ways because it always changes and there's always something new and something exciting. Uh, at times I feel like we're still building that air airplane as we're flying it.
[00:44:07] Uh, but now I've got an excellent crew with me. Um, and God is our pilot and God is our leader. Um, it's not just me and God imro that was always enough, but the people each brought have made a huge difference. So I think we're prepared for the future. I think God has great things for us. The marriage in the future.
[00:44:25] Uh, I'm excited about that. Uh, with the plane analogy, I don't think landing the plane is ever gonna be an option. I think God's gonna keep building that plane, helping us build the plane. But going down to land and taking a timeout is not an option. We're gonna keep flying. But I know this God can work miracles in the worst of situations and marriages.
[00:44:50] We just have to let him in. And when I've seen couples let him in, oh my gosh, the things that he does are amazing. So God has taught me a lot to look at people on the inside to hear their story, to better understand them, and how to help them to know that he loves every one of them, no matter how hard they meet may be for me to love.
[00:45:13] And that happens sometimes. I mean, I love most of my clients, but every once in a while there's somebody that's difficult and I have to really pray to help God help me see them through his eyes. Um, one of the things I prayed early on was that I never, ever wanted to work with a child molester. I just didn't know how I could handle that.
[00:45:31] It was the most abhorrent thing to me. And I had a lady call me one day and she said she was making the point for her husband. And so this guy comes in and what I didn't know till he was. Sitting there is that he had charges against him as a molester.
[00:45:50] Matt Potter: On episode three of this three-part series, Dr. Kim Kimberling explains that he wants to leave a legacy of great marriages and the Christian community. He teaches us how to bring the divorce rate closer to zero amongst Christians by working through things and removing the option of divorce.
[00:46:12] Dr. Kim Kimberling: Maybe it's me getting a little l. But I really hadn't thought a lot about leaving a legacy till maybe the last 10 years. Um, and then it became, I don't know, maybe more on the forefront of my mind. Maybe it's cuz now there's grandkids in the picture. And you know, in my newest book, 14 Keys to Lasting Love published by Faith Words, um, I made the dedication and it says something like this, it's dedicated, this book is dedicated to my amazing grandkids Soni tag, Tommy Gracie and Eli.
[00:46:41] You bring so much joy to my life and you inspire me to continue the fight for awesome marriages. I love you all. And that's it. There's a strong marriage legacy on my side of the family and I wanted that to continue for them and for others too. But, but for them to be able to, to see the value in marriage for Nancy and I to be able to model for them, for their parents to be able to model great marriage for them so that they can go out in a world that's gonna be very, very different than when Nancy and I got married.
[00:47:11] Uh, when their parents got married. And to champion marriage value, marriage and, and be a living witness and example, uh, to others of what God's plan for marriage is really all about. You know, as far back as I know, uh, there has never been a divorce in my family. My parents, my grandparents and their parents stayed together as far as I know, from the altar to the grave.
[00:47:38] And, but I saw something in them. It wasn't that they just stayed together. They didn't just exist together. And some of them I never knew. I just heard stories about them. But what I saw in the ones that I was saw up close was a passion for marriage. They enjoyed each other. They shared life together. They grew together.
[00:47:59] I, I can still remember my grandparents on the farm and, and just how, um, how my granddad, he would just walk in the kitchen and he'd pat my grandma on the, on the rear end and she'd turn around if I was there and act like she didn't like it. But she did. And he'd just had a way, they just had a, of just showing how much they cared for each other, just when I would see them sitting down together and, Relaxing and talking.
[00:48:21] And I saw that in in my mom's parents too. And, uh, they, they were a lot of fun and they would have friends over and they'd play cards. And I can remember being there at those times and I can remember watching them laugh and enjoy each other together. And all those things really had an impact on me. I, you know, honestly, the first time I ever saw a divorce up close, uh, was when I was in sixth grade and the first kid I ever knew whose parent parents were divorced.
[00:48:46] What man is that different than what we have today? But I just couldn't even understand divorce. I didn't know why would people get divorced. Marriage is so cool. So my parents, they were my front row seat for an awesome marriage. In the time that I was growing up in my home. I saw them argue twice. And I saw them both times resolve the issues.
[00:49:08] Um, I know there were tough times for them. I know we didn't see all their arguments, but I think what we did know is that they worked hard to resolve things and they didn't, uh, ever have divorce as an option. Uh, they always had a goal of resolving their problems, and you could just tell that by the way they lived with each other, the way they treated each other, the way they talked to each other.
[00:49:31] And you know, if you're at odds with each other, you don't see those kind of things. Um, I have, uh, literally hundreds of letters that my dad wrote to my mom during World War II when he was in the Pacific. And, um, gosh, as I've read through those, and I never really read through them, uh, when they were both alive, I don't know.
[00:49:48] I felt like it was an invasion of privacy and I sometimes I kind of feel like that now, but they're so rich and so, uh, full of love and wisdom and just the things that my dad wrote to her during the difficult times that he was as he was on the front lines in World War ii. Uh, that's something that I hope to turn into a book and really hope to do that, you know, maybe to begin on that pretty soon, have that out maybe in a year or so.
[00:50:14] So Nancy and I get married, as I said, uh, young. Um, we were actually 20 and 22 when we got married. Um, we, we struggled. Um, and I think our first year of marriage it was struggled. Like a lot of couples, um, struggle. We, what we didn't do that I think my parents, my grandparents did, was we never really resolved our issues.
[00:50:36] And so we would have these things that we would do. We, we had this pattern. It was kinda like things would be good, we'd have a fight. We wouldn't talk for a while. We'd miss each other. We'd start talking, and then we'd have a fight again. And we had this cycle we never broke. And what we didn't realize for those early years is it just kept chipping away at our marriage.
[00:50:58] So in year six, we had, we had our son, uh, he was a baby, and Nancy went through this struggle of, uh, should she be married? Should she be married to me? Did she love me enough to be married? Just all those kind of things that can come in a, in a young woman's mind. And, uh, it was when we were struggling in the marriage relationship, like we were, I mean, we had good times.
[00:51:17] We, and I think that's helped us together. We also were best friends that helped us a lot, uh, but we had these fights and stuff. And so, uh, Nancy sought out a woman in our church, um, a godly older lady that Nancy went to talk to, and Nancy talked to her with a story about Nancy saying a friend of hers, which actually it was about Nancy.
[00:51:37] And she told her her story and how this friend. I didn't really know if she should be married, didn't know if she loved her husband enough, and, and this wise lady looked at her and she said, tell your friend to pray to trust God, to seek him, and he will turn something beautiful into this, this marriage into something beautiful.
[00:51:57] So Nancy came home and you know, I was struggling a lot then. I didn't wanna divorce, I didn't wanna lose her. Uh, but I knew I couldn't control that. She had to work through this with God's help on her own. And she came home and we talked and we took divorce off the table. And we never ever have put it back in all these years.
[00:52:14] And I think for us it changed everything because we would approach problems in a different way. It wasn't like, okay, if we don't solve this, we'll just get a divorce. No. It was like, we gotta solve this. We've gotta resolve this. If we're not getting divorced, I don't wanna live miserable for 50 years. I wanna live with someone I love.
[00:52:30] And so it changed the whole way. I think we approached married, I think it changed the way that we approach conflict in marriage, all those kind of things. And God began, I think, to grow us together because we began to try to solve problems together instead of fighting each other. And now were things perfect.
[00:52:48] Absolutely not. There were still issues, but I think we had that new determination. We were gonna stand together with God no matter what. In the summer of 2010, I, I spent it going through my pastor's book. It was the Hebrew, that's a Hebrew word, meaning a dream, a revelation or a vision. And I knew just like I did, um, earlier in my life, that God was leading me some word, but this time I wanted to embrace.
[00:53:14] But this time I wanted to figure out what he was telling me to do, what he wanted me to do. And as I went through that book and really saw things I was passionate about, I began to develop this vision of God wanted me to do something with marriage. Sure, I was counseling people in marriage, but I've seen a lot of kids then too.
[00:53:32] And, and I think I, I began to see that, um, if I'm gonna help these kids a lot, we're gonna help these marriages too. So from that came the foundation for us, the marriage. And I knew without a doubt, the rest of my life would be spent helping people have God honoring, fulfilling marriages. It was as clear as night and day.
[00:53:56] And so when the four of us sat down to form awesome marriage, it was just like the launching of that dream. And I was so excited about it. My pastor Craig Relle asked me one time what my dream was for marriages, and I gave him this answer and he had a pretty quiz look on his face. I said, I want to zero divorce rate for Christians.
[00:54:15] Is it crazy? But this is where I, I come from in that, cuz that's still what I want. In fact, one time I even developed, I was working myself on this logo of zero and how to get that and how that could be, uh, a logo we could get out there and I never could find the right thing. Maybe we'll continue to do that, uh, some way that was a, a little pre uh, also marriage days.
[00:54:37] But I look at it this way, if we, if every couple, every Christian couple that is ready to get married prepares well and they really delve into things. And if they also are willing that if this doesn't look right, they won't get married. But if they prepare well, If they seek God, if they get married, they pray together.
[00:54:56] If they learn to fight together, why not? You know my thing, you always tell people in couples in counseling, this dream of a zero divorce rate starts with every couple. It starts with Nancy and I, it happens one marriage at a time. What if that got contagious? What if people really got a vision of God's plan for marriage and they put it first and everybody took divorce off the table and everybody was willing to work through whatever they had to work through, and everyone sought God together in their marriage.
[00:55:28] And if couples prayed together, wow, what a difference it can make. So we live in this culture today that isn't real pro marriage. Look at high divorce rates and you can see the stats very with different, I know reports, but it's gonna be 40, 50, 60% or wherever you look. It's supposedly there are more divorces in the first year of Mary than there's ever been.
[00:55:51] There's a lot of people that are delaying getting married to start their careers or maybe saying, I may never get married, or maybe we just live together. But I still believe in God's plan. I believe God's plan that he had from the beginning, Genesis two, with Adam and Eve, is what he has today for us.
[00:56:09] Relationship with a husband and wife and him at the center, and I think through our relationship with Christ, we can all have that. You know, in the early career with, uh, counseling, I did see about 75% of the kids and did realize that to help them the most, that the parents needed help. And so God began then as he showed me that vision to give me more and more opportunities to work with couples.
[00:56:34] In my early years of counseling, if, if a couple had an affair, it usually automatically ended divorce. Uh, it meant that the people just didn't seem as an affair that usually ended the marriage. And so I remember a time, um, a number of years ago now that a man called and he had made an appointment for he and his wife.
[00:56:54] And as they came in, he shared about an a fairy head and they had no idea what to do, where to go, though she was hurt so bad. She was broken, but they wanted their marriage to work and I loved it. And I thought, man, I think I know God can do this. And so I began to pray for them. God showed us things and it was hard.
[00:57:15] It was a hard really year and a half there as she tested him over and over, and then he would do make changes and she wasn't sure if it was real or he just trying to get me to not divorce him well, so he can be around the kids and stuff and, and so she didn't know whether to really embrace it, so she would push him away again and he kept seeking God and seek perseverance.
[00:57:38] You know what I learned a lot out of that is to look for, see, to see Jesus in people because that's what you can trust. And what I saw in this man was a heart change. I saw real remorse and finally she saw it too. It was, it was a long, hard process. It was 18 months, uh, consi, consistent counseling and then off and on for another period of time.
[00:58:03] And, and, and now, um, they're great leaders now. They help others in marriages, uh, and, and they're just a great couple to be around as God worked a miracle there. Sometimes I think of some of those early couples in my early years, uh, of counseling that got divorced and could they have made it? And you know, I don't know, but I wish I knew them, what I know now, but I know this God can work miracles in the worst of situations and marriages.
[00:58:34] We just have to let him in. And when I've seen couples let him in, oh my gosh, the things that he does, Are amazing. So God has taught me a lot to look at people on the inside to hear their story, to better understand them, and how to help them to know that he loves every one of them, no matter how hard they meet may be for me to love.
[00:58:57] And that happens sometimes. I mean, I love most of my clients, but every once in a while there's somebody that's difficult and I have to really pray to God help me see them through his eyes. Um, one of the things I prayed early on was that I never ever wanted to work with a child molester. I just didn't know how I could handle that.
[00:59:15] It was the most important thing to me. And I had a lady call me one day and she said she was making the point for her husband. And so this guy comes in and what I didn't know till he was sitting there is that he had charges against him as a molester. Um, God taught me a lot during that. He taught me to listen.
[00:59:37] He taught me to not be judgmental. He taught me to, to try to understand someone's story. And with this man I did, uh, never condone what he did, never thought any of that was right. It was horrible what he did. It caused destruction to so many people. But he was a guy that was abused too and was never given help.
[00:59:59] The short of that story, so you'll know is there became healing. He was not able to be around that child for a number of years. Um, but later on he was, and there was healing there. And, uh, and that marriage, that marriage stayed together. Uh, but God has taught me to listen well. He has taught me to not be judgmental and he's, he's taught me to never try to be somebody's holy Spirit.
[01:00:25] That that job is taken. And that's been big for me in my marriage and in working with everybody else, that there's a Holy Spirit there than his job is to change people, to mold them. And, God's taught me when to get out of the way and when he wants me to come alongside. Um, sometimes I'm still working on that.
[01:00:45] Sometimes I, I get the signals crossed a little bit or get 'em mixed up a little bit. But what I know is the bottom line is that in every situation, God's got this, and all we didn't need to do is to follow his lead. So awesome marriage. I, I wanted to outlive me. I wanted to outlive me a long time. I want it to go something that my grandkids and their grandkids know about awesome marriage because it's still there and God's still using it to change marriages.
[01:01:17] Will it look different? Absolutely. Will there be different faces behind it? Absolutely. Will the mission still be the same? Yes, absolutely it will. It will be to teach people God's incredible plan for marriage and that he has something very, very special for them, and that his desire is to be right in the middle of their marriage.
[01:01:37] And it really doesn't matter to me if my name is associated with it down the line or long or down the line, if it is or not. The big picture is about couples having awesome marriages. It's about God being number one about a spouse being number two day after day after day. And this is what I believe from the very beginning, that I truly believe, and this is the legacy that I wanna live.
[01:02:06] I truly believe that a world full of awesome marriages will literally change the world.
[01:02:16] Matt Potter: Many of us can hear or sense God's calling. We may not know exactly what he has in mind for us, but we can feel his presence and know in our heart that he has something special for us. But sometimes we're not ready for it. So we run. We feel afraid or overwhelmed. Still, sometimes we think we know better.
[01:02:37] We think we know the right direction for our lives, but we can never outrun God. He always patiently follows walking side by side and finding ways to use everything that happens in our lives to both guide and prepare us for his great plan. This week on Relentless Hope, Dr. Kim Kimberling, author and professional Christian counselor taught us to stop running from God and to allow his plans for our lives to unfold.
[01:03:06] Dr. Kim shared his journey from working for his father in the family business to. Earning a PhD and Doctor of Ministry in Christian counseling where he's helped couples build thriving marriages for more than 40 years. As Dr. Kim shared with us, when he decided to go back to school at age 35, he had no idea what God's plan for him was, but Dr.
[01:03:32] Kim simply knew that he was headed in the direction that God wanted him to go, and that was enough. Dr. Kim also taught us some of the important leadership lessons he learned after launching the technology-based ministry. Awesome marriage. We learned about the need to remain flexible in what we do and what we want to do and how we do it, and about proper.
[01:03:55] Really managing our resources, including knowing when to let go when something isn't working out. And we also learned about how Dr. Kim works to encourage his team, offering them guidance and monitoring them and how he trusts them to do their jobs. As Dr. Kim said, he doesn't want to get in their way or God's way.
[01:04:18] We also learned about how Dr. Kim wants to leave a legacy of helping people realize God's plan for marriage. Dr. Kim shared his goal to have a zero divorce rate amongst Christians. As Dr. Kim says, he believes this can happen if every Christian couple really prepares before they get married. As Dr. Kim explains, this means being willing to not get married if the relationship isn't right, but if the marriage is right, then Dr.
[01:04:47] Kim and encourages us to lean into God's plan for marriage by taking divorce off. The table. It forces us to work through whatever differences and issues we have. Dr. Kim teaches us that God can work miracles in the worst of situations in our lives and marriages. We just have to let him in. We have to let his plan for us come first and to trust God, to trust that he is using everything that happens to us for the greater good, including our own God gently invites us to let go of every plan we have created for our lives, including our marriages, to allow his plans for us to unfold on his timing.
[01:05:34] And as Dr. Kim taught us, we can rest easy knowing that God's plan for our lives are good, and his plans are better than anything we could hope to create.
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